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Aly the Cracked

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There are some days where I peer out, and the things that I see may not be kind. The words that gather in my head are like a fine mist I get lost within..and the smoke is billowing. Kind souls ask me how I do it day by day. How I deal with depression and the foul nature of others that may now and again come. They'll ask me how to gain that power.

...power...when I was in middle school, I had difficulty finding a common ground with most others. A boy in particular from my first year decided to tease me often, and on other days attempt to provoke a reaction from myself. For the most part I ignored it, but I never forgot it. The day came years later when they had found a way for the entire locker room of students to laugh at myself. I had felt humiliated, weak, as if I was powerless. Then I grew angry, let all those years of time come finding my hands as I clenched them.

When he turned to me from his friends, I had hit him hard. Hard enough and fast enough that he stumbled back. The look in his eyes was at first confusion, then a timid and frightened hollowness. He managed his way back to a wall and slumped against it, slowly sliding down to sit. I really had hurt him. No one said a word. There was no laughter. I stood there staring at him..and I felt just as terrified. Is this what power is...? I felt a part of me crack off.

That is not power. That is..terrible.

Power..true power..is not in silencing our worst enemies. It is not in ignoring our problems or dwelling in regret. Power is always remembering where we came from, and for the better..doing our best not to make the same mistake twice. I'm not powerful. I'm a sad creature with a soul that has been around longer than this body that is covered in cracks. I'm tired. I'm hopeful. Right now I'm hopeful you will take these words to heart... I believe you can tell us all how you feel without raising your voice.

You can defend your position without needing to demean others. You can prove how special you are without having to satisfy honor or ring your hand in retribution.

...don't let them fool you..don't let them push you..don't let them start breaking you...I do not want you to end up like me.

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sadly ive allready turned out like you.. depression has effected not just me but my brother he allways wants to play games and do stuff and me just doing art and playing games in general ive given up on my youtube channel and every one else. i have had suicidal thoughts but ive only gotten close to doing it once. and i hope you never kill your self becuse i look up to you.

callmedoc responds:

For a long while I clung to a great deal of anger and cynicism. When I found myself attempting to commit suicide, a part of myself felt dead already, and therefor I turned inward like a ghost. Sadness and anger are very powerful elements, and they are addictive because they are easy to manifest. None of this is easy. Self worth and emotional stability is not a given for every one. Friends and companionship are a luxury that even then do not guarantee happiness. I do want you to know something however. You are not alone in this as I was. That's the miracle of cracked hearts. They create shadows of us, and they make us compassionate. If you can endure, and I hope that you will, know that at the very least that I am here for yourself if ever needed, and for whatever reason. All of us are one another's strength.

Credits & Info

callmedoc
Artist
Views
661
Faves:
6
Votes
16
Score
4.82 / 5.00

Uploaded
Aug 17, 2016
12:26 AM EDT
Category
Illustration
File Info
1190 x 691 px
PNG
1.6 MB

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