I like what you have going with this piece. I'm getting a rather poetic vibe out of this one -- fine visual poetry. I wonder, is this the vibe you're going for with this comic series?
Regardless, this piece is simple, yet powerful, and there's nothing I can call out in here which doesn't appeal to me. The line "A bat followed me home / Some will fly, most will fall" gives me shivers, the same kind of shivers I had when reading Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven'. If you have a link to this comic series in due time, I would love to follow it!