Legend of skyrift preview 7


Author Comments

sample 7

I'll post another in about 3 days or so, keep an eye out!

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Right. So the artwork is alright. There's some things wrong with some of the details in the background.

I'd rather critique this from a writing and overall design standpoint. I know comics and books are something vastly different, but it doesn't excuse Mary-Sue characters and mediocre dialogue. The dialogue falls flat on it's face. and the woman screams Mary-Sue.

We'll call her princess Booblarge. So, when princess Booblarge suddenly changes her mind without any form of reasoning or depiction of an event that changes her mind, it raises a red flag for me. So too does the guy, who we'll call Dr. Manboy, with his swooning. I'm sure you could dismiss this as 'an anime thing' where storyline is botched for style over actual plot. But, like, no. Don't say that. I've seen good anime with good writing and good plots. Stop. No.

So right. Nothing would be better than you going out of your way to choreograph some sort of event that changes her mind. But if that's not plausible, something as simple as Manboy giving Booblarge a particular reason to let him follow her would work well enough. Maybe she wants to keep him around to eat his delicious blood and soul. Perhaps he has some sort of magical key, such as a surgeon in his family that can grant her breast reduction surgery at a discount. Maybe she's short on funds and he's dumb enough to give her his life savings to take him with her <i>Maybe she just likes him because he is cute to her.</i>

I would seriously prefer that.

I'm no color expert. In fact it's my weakest suit. But therein lies the problem: if I can spot it it's dead wrong. Your characters have much higher contrast than the background and I can't stop noticing how much I hate that.

BELLUMART responds:

I honestly stopped reading within the first few sentences, tl;dr. I'm just going receive this critique off the star rating.

Future issues will be more refined, so maybe we'll see a higher star rating later on.

Thanks for the feed back!

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Credits & Info

4.33 / 5.00

Feb 18, 2017
5:00 PM EST
File Info
1206 x 1603 px
1.2 MB

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