I think you need to look at eyes, look at photos and life for reference, and try again. You talk about the detail, but this lacks them.
Also try not to view things as lines you should look at things as having shadows and highlights.
For a first attempt in photo I think its commendable, As I had difficulty at first, getting used to the program. But as all your submissions seem to be done in photoshop, I fear you have not looked into traditional media. You should start with a pencil and a sketchbook. Also spend time on your drawings, a couple of hours, don't rush things just so they're done.
Keep drawing and Good luck, with your next pieces.
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