Wow, this stuff is deep. Considering the wait that you've put us through for your other comic, this one is quite dark and mysterious, so I love the way that it starts to build to something. A little spark of romance between the characters, but will it all work out? I can't tell for the moment, but I'd like to carry on reading, to find out a little more.
Talking about the "watery line" in the rain, the hyphen looks like an underscore, so I'd change that, so that people can see it properly. That's probably the only issue I have with the drawing side of things, because it's so well written and drawn, if I'm honest. Perhaps it could use a splash of colour, but with the rain, there is no rainbow, so therefore no colour. Perhaps when the rain stops, there will be colour?
I'd quite like you to abut one page to another, so that it looks like a proper comic book, as you scroll down - you can get the piece into five spreads, so that people don't have to scroll as much, plus if there's something massive going on in the comic later on, you can take up a whole two page spread, to maximise the impact of it.
Good work, keep it up!
[Review Request Club]
Speaking of my other comic, I actually started that a few weeks ago.
You can find it here: www.tartaka.com
Based on this first set of narratives alone i can only tell you that i didnâEUTMt feel like i wanted to read it all that much in the first two or three pages. The Characters seem to...Meh...like everyday, I love the style you drew in it reminds me of some comics i used to read when i was younger. The dialog wasnâEUTMt awkward it was very normal, which is good it doesnâEUTMt seemed forced which is a problem with many writers. Overall the only improvement i personally can say is to try to pull your reader in, i canâEUTMt tell you howmany times ive written that but its the MOST iMPORTANT thing any artist can do wether its music, writing, Animating!
You sure have been a busy little beaver!
You are free to copy, distribute and transmit this work under the following conditions: