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You can't find a date to the prom, and so you have to go with your cousin.
Here's the big question: How are you going to get her to have sex with you afterwards? Even though she's 50 pounds overweight and once gave a hand job to the retarded guy who works at the gas station, she still has standards.
Newgrounds can help. Try wearing this delightful Tankmen T-shirt under your tuxedo and you're guaranteed to get at least to second base.