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Score:
rated 3.64 / 5 stars
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1,481 Views
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Genre:
Action
Tags:
action
animation
drama

Credits & Info

Uploaded
Mar 26, 2015 | 4:26 AM EDT

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Author Comments

Explaination: The chick with blue hair is running for her life, being chased by a chick with green hair.. She supposedly meets her demise.

Potentially it will all be revealed etc in future animations/comics. I'm only one person doing all the animation, line art, backgrounds, etc So it's gonna lack some lustre.

A prelude/introduction to a cartoon/story I'm making. I guess you'd call it a pilot.. hehe
Anyhow.. Finally finished it!
Yay!
I mostly did this particular scene to practice my continuity.
I could really, really use some production feedback, please!
I hope you all really enjoy watching it!!

Reviews


CyberdevilCyberdevil

Rated 5 / 5 stars

After all that running... all she manages to reach is Death. What a sad ending somehow, even though we don't learn anything about the characters, but it's easy to read the fear in the eyes of the blue-haired (looks more gray to me), and easy to read the evil in the eyes of the other character, and easy to feel the helplessness of the situation when the one character is running and the other swiftly just soars onto the ledge. I like how you don't even hear the bullet, don't see a flash or anything... I thought she'd dodge it at first, but when you can't even see it, it strengthens the sense of hopelessness even more.

Very tense and atmospheric background music, and smoother running movement overall, even if not everything is the most realistic. In the end, though it tells a story without motive, it feels like a powerful finale. Masterfully done; though I'd be curious to know more about the characters (close to suggesting a series), I'm thinking that such a phase would only bring down the impact of this one short. Just a careless remark could break the atmosphere, a basic trait the viewer can't relate to. This was masterfully done!

-cd-


Informant responds:

Yeah her hair is meant to be way more blue. The colouring is off I had f.lux on when I first made some scenes and couldnt change it haha.
Also thank you so much for giving a review, at this point I can really use a lot of advice. It was supposed to be part of a series, yes, but I'm not sure if it will ever really get off the ground.
Thanks for such a positive review :)


CrabbWalkerCrabbWalker

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

All in all I enjoyed myself. The story isn't there yet, but there was a lot of fixed camera angles which made me scream RESIDENT EVIL 2 out loud. There's a plethora of ways you could take the art, but the fixed camera angles seems like your interesting niché you could experiment with. Nice choice by going with no music and all natural sounds, it built a bit of suspense. I would suggest adding even more in, like sounds of the enemy approaching, irregular breathing, panic even. The colors were alright, I think overall you may need more contrast and desaturation to give it that noir feeling that I think you were going for, or more color swaths, so your characters and environment are more interesting to the viewer. Personally, I would get some voiceactors and a script going, to further your story. You got me intrigued. I'll be on the lookout :D



maddude13pt2maddude13pt2

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Actually, this has potential, although I'm not entirely convinced you really "sold" it here. There are a few little things I'd like to point out in hopes to help you regarding the requested feedback.
Style : I would say this has the 'feel' of kind of a hybrid between anime and something I'd expect from an old Ralph Bakshi film... say from the years around Fire & Ice or Streetfight... It's not bad, considering he was an actual pro' in the world for a time.
You have a few proportion details to work out, but don't beat yourself up. You're working with some influences from film-noire in your perspectives and that makes proportions a pain in the...

Audio: Again, from a point of film-noire the rampant use of footsteps is similar in theatrical effect to a heartbeat, so not terrible. I might suggest adding some heavy breathing, and since that doesn't require voice, anyone can do the part... literally.

And as to plot : The only confusion as far as I could see came with the blue-haired girl's body going over the edge. It would seem you were indicating a levitation, which might call for just a few frames of the 'levitator' concentrating or performing some semantic to induce the effect ( 'selling the shot and story' as they put it in the business)...
There could be a better hook for starting, but that's true of almost anything. Maybe you could try just a hint of why one wants the other dead. Is it a professional hit? Since she opened her eyes on the ground, was it just a hunt, intended to wound and cripple but not kill? Who might arrange such a hit, and is 'green hair' really that good, or did she screw up and let another person save 'blue'? This could be your cliffhanger for the next show, but a touch of backstory as to why 'blue' is being hunted or killed would probably sell a better hook than just plunging in with the running. Maybe a Yakuza or Mafia arrangement... Maybe a psionics guild (would explain 'green' and her penchant for floating around) etcetera... You wouldn't have to give the whole backstory away, just a few flimsy basics to build on later... like money changing hands, a little voice over from mysterious stranger to 'green' arranging the hunt / hit / whatever. Mentioning something of whether 'blue' has committed some underworld crime or sin... or if she just knows too much for her own good... You see?
And of course, if you have any question's you can find me most days with a PM. Anyone can. I can only suggest and hope that some of this helps.



Reaperman2Reaperman2

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

I had difficulty getting involved with it at the very begining, there was a prolonged scene of running. I started reading your comments for an explanation. None was had, if this was a pilot I was on a panel on, I wouldn't want to see the series.
I thought the character's proportions were peculiar, especially the legs. They changed sizes throughout the film. I didn't even realize the main character was a female until the ladder climbing scene when her rear just blew up. During the
However, I did love the perspective and effect for when she was cornering and changing direction down the other streets. Nicely done.
I'd suggest a different hook at the start, a flash of the roof top scene with the other woman, or something. One woman walking and one woman running without a cell phone signal didn't grip me. I honestly thought it was going to be a parkour film.
A very good attempt, decent art style, I just felt very removed from the story and had trouble caring or being interested because of it.



CrappyAnimationsCrappyAnimations

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Great job, kept me entertained, :)