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Jun 19, 2014 | 12:23 AM EDT

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Author Comments

So i didnt finish the sound this time... SO CLOSE THO



Rated 5 / 5 stars

I like reading the text on her tablet. I don't know what harry p has to do with this video since he isn't in the credits but you did a fine job with the text. No hate mail for you.

StejkRobot responds:

haha thanks mate! youre the first one to notice as far as i know! This was an entry for NATA witch harry is judging


Rated 5 / 5 stars

Absolutely great work! It's so immersive and it ends so abruptly that you are just left wanting to see a little bit more!

Unlike some of the other reviewers, I actually enjoyed the narration and the way in which it was written and read - the word choice, the tone... I also enjoyed the little specks of humor here and there.

However, the idea of having the protagonist talking while the narration was going on was a little bit bothersome. I mean, you have the advantage that her dialogue was more of an atmosphere-setting thing, but, naturally, the viewers attention has to split in three when she speaks: they have to follow the animation, the narration and what she says. It's disruptive. I didn't hate it, though (it is an interesting tool), but you should probably find someway of easing that multitasking you are asking for. Something as easy as stopping the narration while the girl talks could've helped.

Anyways, I loved it. I'd love to see a more polished version or a sequel. Good luck on NATA!


Rated 5 / 5 stars

Looks awesome!
The song "Eyes of a stranger" from Iron Maiden popped in my mind, when I saw the title.
Other than that, awesome! The story should continue!

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Rated 5 / 5 stars

Oh my goodness, what have you done?
You realize you cant stop now, don't you? You have to finish the story! Its so attention grabbing and ensnaring!
I loved the visuals, I loved the clear narration, and most of all I loved being able to hear the characters in the video speaking. :D
In short: MORE PLEASE!!! :D :D :D

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Rated 4 / 5 stars

I don't mind expositing the story through a narrator, but by having active dialogue beneath it at the same time is a big becomes difficult to focus when two people are speaking at once, and it happens often enough that its easy to lose interest. Its like having an audio book playing in the background that you can't stop while you're trying to figure out whats happening visually.

Either pause the narration in between the characters lines, or completely separate them from each other. It won't clutter it up for the audience.

The character animation looked great, its a shame this ain't finished but at least you put yourself out there with a proof of concept. I'd like to this continued! Lets see what happens. Let the audience find out who this girl is, what this place is, the significance of the heiroglyphs, and actively involve the audience in the discovery of this mysterious, bandaged entity.

It would be valuable to practice SHOWING the audience these, don't tell. You're dabbling with a visual media, and you don't want to bore your audience with the silky smooth (well voice acted) narration... think about how you could visually interpret EVERYTHING that narration talked about. Try condensing the dialogue, y'know?

Hope that helps. Keep up the great work.

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