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EDIT: thanks for the daily 1st folks. I had to change the song in the ending credits as it turns out it was plagiarized(never a cool discovery).
Duration: 3 minute episode, 1 minute 23 second credit sequence.
Watch in pop up mode.
Dea is still hanging around Keiichi, neither really have any clue about the other and find out bits and peices on the way.
Wont have another episode up until Next year, probably will have a little supplemental episode around December using the chibi style seen in the credits.
I think I became progressively angrier as the movie went on.
In the beginning, I was really looking forward to some high-grade content. After all, anything on Newgrounds that DARES to label itself a "series" must have some type of work put in. But, the VERY FIRST THING that I saw (and was immediately dissatisfied with) was the tag; anime.
Why? Just... why? I'm not saying this out of hatred, but pure, logical confusion. It's not a good tag. It's a good "goal" maybe, but it sure as hell isn't a good tag, seeing as how most people hate "faux-anime."
Also, let's talk about the length for a bit.
From a first-timer's viewpoint, it looks as if a few pieces of the puzzle are missing. The little bit at the end (the one with white everywhere and the music playing over it) looks as if there's a deeper story to be told, but not in a "We'll tell you later" way. More like a "What the hell just happened" way. This is why I HIGHLY suggest that you extend the length of each episode. And if you need a single reason as to why you should, here's why:
NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED.
No, really. Replay the video and pay close attention. Absolutely fucking NOTHING happened. For a pilot episode, this is pretty shitty. I seriously don't remember JACK SHIT of anything that held even a single shred of importance to any future stories. Sure, there's the whole "Dea is inhuman" thing, but that's been done before. I can bet you a million that her story'll turn out just like every other "inhuman" character's story.
There are moments in this where it feels like someone just hit the SKIP button, and all of a sudden the camera angles change and their voices sound like someone just spliced together some sound clips. And then there's the highly unnecessary montage, which COMPLETELY SKIPS OVER WHAT COULD'VE BEEN COVERED IF YOU HAD DONE A FULL-LENGTH EPISODE. During the montage, we saw (what I presume to be) the protagonist at his day job, at the desk with a lady on the phone speaking. Why gee, I wonder what that scene could've been used for... Character building, maybe? NAH LET'S JUST SKIP THAT SHIT.
Like, seriously? Seriously? I feel like you, Johnathan-Wrathborne, could've actually done something memorable, but instead got lazy and said "Just wing it." If you cut out that dumb ass montage and actually tried to build some type of persona for your characters, you might've just gotten lucky and grabbed my attention somewhat, but no. Keep in mind, that I'm only typing this because I'd rather you improve, instead of constantly continue to produce crap. It feels like you really didn't try your all here.
P.S. Tell your voice actors to loosen up. Specifically the one who voices for Keiichi.
meh...I was really hook after the teaser, but this episode seems rush and really incomplete..
still Mauybe if you develop it like you did in the teaser it could end up better. This can go a long way of awesome.
The animation overall is pretty good. You've had a few items that have bounced in and out of the top 50 on NG, so that's well established. It's good to see you keep pushing your abilities in this department with hair physics and perspective shifts. If you keep on your current curve, your skills will climb to lofty heights. I would suggest working with light sources, as the one streak of highlight in the character's hair is pretty amateur.
What I dislike is death as a magical girlfriend. It is boggling how Dea can be so old and pervasive, yet totally clueless. How can a creature that has not just implicitly witnessed DVDs functioning not know what Keiichi meant when he told her to 'watch' the disc? This is especially bothersome given her ability to play DDR and claim to speak all known languages. The DVD-shaped gap in her knowledge is arbitrary and poor payoff for a joke. Even more bothersome is that Dea can't understand anxiety and hate even though death goes everywhere with those ideas.
What does work is death being insistent. Death follows us everywhere, waiting to act, and can be a huge burden on some people. It's a little interesting now that Dea does not follow Keiichi to work where he has a distraction, and clings to him like a toddler while he's alone in the dark of his house. This explains why death listened to Keiichi's request, but doesn't follow his rules. It also justifies how the dialogue doesn't really go anywhere meaningful, as constantly pondering death doesn't really help people most of the time.
The way I'm seeing it from the little let on is Dea is a Hobbes character who only exists to Keiichi to help him rationalize his own problems with the deaths he's lived through. This can work out really well if we take more time to learn about Keiichi and his past so that we can find out why he wants to see death, talk to her, play DDR with her, and- if the title is any hint- romance her. Is he going to stop worrying about other's deaths or his own? Is he going to kill himself? These are more interesting than the clueless magical girl jib-jab that can be found in countless other sources. Explore this and you'll have an historic flash series. But if you stay in quirky little rom-com land, death is going to snatch this series well before its time.
Conclusion: It's fair, but I want it to be better.
"What I dislike is death as a magical girlfriend. It is boggling how Dea can be so old and pervasive, yet totally clueless."
You have to wait . Not being sarcastic, I have this stuff all planned out, but the answers to your questions lie in other episodes that havent been written or animated yet(but they are plot lined). I'm not intending to answer all the questions you may have, but I have plenty of them already figured out and am looking forward to sharing them.
Don't worry too much about the magical girl jib-jab. I'm not a fan of the magical girl genre. Besides the original idea being this is that its a bit more of a counter magical girlfriend series.
Shes not there to solve his problems or go on fantastic adventures with him, or stop an evil force from taking over the earth while falling in love with him at the same time.
Shes just death. Despite the nod to Ingmar Bergmans "7th seal" with Death playing games, this is a different interpretation of death as an entity.
But you have given me a bit more to think about in how to handle one or two bits of the story.
Thanks for the critique.
mmm what an affable little story
i feel compelled to laud your immaculate artwork
however ill be more scathing as regards the plot. i do like it, i found it very likeable but i fear it is, to a certain degree derivative. theres a terrible anime called chobits which also tells the sordid story of a guy who found a completely oblivious girl with limited cognitive abilities.
lets not forget haruhi suzumiya, dea bears strong resemblance to nagato when it comes to her mechanical and staid demeanor and speech
i do not mean to belittle your efforts nor am i disparaging your work, im metely pinpoiting obvious similarities.
nevertheless, go ahead with your project
ill be looking forward to the next part
Okay so this is an okay series. I like it and it's watchable but there are things that could be done to improve it.
The voice acting could use a bit of work. Keiichi's delivery and timing on some lines need work. For example, "You don't know what a dvd or a dvd player are...". The way the actor said it, sounds like he's asking a question but it's meant to be a statement. Also Dea is supposed to be the stiff one but the voice acting doesn't differ from either character. It's stuck in that tone of nonchalant when Keiichi (though from what I've seen of this series is nonchalant, accepting everything that Dea with no real range of emotion) could have a bit more potential. If there's more of a contrast between Dea and Keiichi in manner and in actions, the audience can then be able to relate to Keiichi more and make your story interesting instead of following this two dimensional character and his sidekick deathgirl.
The writing needs work. Conversation feels staged. When Dea asks why humans act the same to avoid persecution, Keiichi replies with a though out answer. If he stumbled on his words or thought about it or didn't answer at all, that would give him a bit of humanity. Something to get him off of that stoic nature.
THINGS THAT ARE WORKING
Dea's character is great. She has subtle hints of curiosity, the fact she pokes everything she sees at least gives her some form of interest. She's seeing the world for the first time so of course she's curious.
The animation is limited but it works for this series. The characters are pretty well drawn and I can definitely see the appeal of this concept. I look forward to seeing more.
A rumor at an elementary school spirals out of control.
Have you ever thought Destiny was a little bit... fabulous?
A short about parties and socializing
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