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Uploaded
Oct 13, 2013 | 7:11 AM EDT
  • Weekly Users' Choice October 16, 2013
  • Review Crew Pick October 16, 2013
  • Daily Feature October 14, 2013

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Author Comments

EDIT: thanks for the daily 1st folks. I had to change the song in the ending credits as it turns out it was plagiarized(never a cool discovery).

Duration: 3 minute episode, 1 minute 23 second credit sequence.

Watch in pop up mode.

Dea is still hanging around Keiichi, neither really have any clue about the other and find out bits and peices on the way.

Wont have another episode up until Next year, probably will have a little supplemental episode around December using the chibi style seen in the credits.

Reviews


ZimdragonlordZimdragonlord

Rated 5 / 5 stars

This is funny but at the same time it's like Nagato Yuki meets a person like me... Lol this is pretty neat and I suppose that this has huge potential and all... Keep it up, Avoid the negative reviews I think this has huge Animation specs and all! LOL, with the why....... ROFL



Rabano90Rabano90

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

I'm not going to top the review below me, so I'll simply say this...

The male voice actor sounds almost EXACTLY like Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes.



delceradelcera

Rated 3 / 5 stars

While I disagree with the tone of Lulz's review, the content of it does have merit. Pilot episodes are normally meant to build the viewer's understanding of the characters and put in place the foundation that the rest of the series is built on. Unfortunately, there was little of that in this. For instance, take the Firefly pilot. It immediately starts off showing two of the primary characters of the series, and covers a major, life-changing event in their history. It then shows the same characters further down the line, and introduces the viewer to the rest of the primary characters. It builds suspense with the mention that somebody on the ship is working for the bad guys, which also serves to introduce the primary antagonistic faction of the series-- the 'Alliance'. The suspense mounts when the captain uncovers the secret of Simon's "luggage", which is then resolved with the appearance of Simon's sister. This is followed by more character-building, which sets up an important theme for the rest of the show-- the Tam siblings' fugitive status. From there the conflict with the Alliance plant is resolved, bringing the resolution the episode needs, but it also leaves the loose end of what the Tams are going to do, why the 'Academy' wants River so bad, and a handful of other character-related issues. Other series' pilots do similar things, and all of them have a common thread: they lay the groundwork for what will come later in the series.

Your pilot, frankly, feels more like a filler episode than a pilot.

I would suggest you go watch just the pilots of some various series you think are good, and take notes on it. Figure out what they did right, what hooked you, and see if you can adapt some of those elements for your own use. I would also suggest that, if you don't already have the whole series at least plotted out, you do so. It will help you figure out if there's anything you'd like to foreshadow, let you spot any discrepancies that tend to crop up, and it will also let you work in any themes you might want to-- or, alternatively, reveal to you any themes in the show you might not have realized were a part of it.

The ending credits sequence, also, feels like it should be part of the actual episode. It's not a good idea to split the viewer's attention between the credits and the characters. If you're going to have somebody do something, you should have them do it during the episode itself rather than try to shoehorn plot points in during the credits. Or, at least, that's what it feels like you did here.

One point I think Lulz didn't stress enough was the voice-acting. Your actors have potential, but right now the dialogue seems very stilted, instead of organic like it should. The impression I got was that your actors were reading off cue-cards or a script instead of delivering practiced lines. Cue cards are great if you're like me and can't memorize everything at once, but you have to give *life* to the words or else people are going to get bored quickly.

I would suggest you record the dialog, wait a day or so, and then play it back to yourselves and discuss it. Figure out where you did things well, where you need to work on it, and how you can make it feel *real*.

Also remember that something ambitious like this can neither be done in a vacuum, nor in an afternoon. Scripting, recording, all of that takes a major investment of time and effort, but it's so incredibly worth it in the end when you get a quality result. It makes everything feel worthwhile.

And now that I've droned on and on about where you could stand to improve, let's talk about what you did well.

I like your art style-- it reminds me of Invader Zim in places, and I'm a big fan of Vasquez's work. It's also nice to see Dea's complete lack of knowledge-- I enjoy seeing you draw a distinction between being omnipresent and omniscient. Your dialogue has a few amusing one-liners as well; a little humor is always good for lightening a mood.

Overall, this strikes me as a solid effort, despite needing some polish. You've got the potential here to make something good, and now you've just got to chip away at it to reveal the diamond in all the rough. For that, you get three stars.


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LULZ64LULZ64

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Hmm...
Hmmm....
HMMMMMMMMMMM......

I think I became progressively angrier as the movie went on.

In the beginning, I was really looking forward to some high-grade content. After all, anything on Newgrounds that DARES to label itself a "series" must have some type of work put in. But, the VERY FIRST THING that I saw (and was immediately dissatisfied with) was the tag; anime.

Why? Just... why? I'm not saying this out of hatred, but pure, logical confusion. It's not a good tag. It's a good "goal" maybe, but it sure as hell isn't a good tag, seeing as how most people hate "faux-anime."

Also, let's talk about the length for a bit.
From a first-timer's viewpoint, it looks as if a few pieces of the puzzle are missing. The little bit at the end (the one with white everywhere and the music playing over it) looks as if there's a deeper story to be told, but not in a "We'll tell you later" way. More like a "What the hell just happened" way. This is why I HIGHLY suggest that you extend the length of each episode. And if you need a single reason as to why you should, here's why:

NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED.
No, really. Replay the video and pay close attention. Absolutely fucking NOTHING happened. For a pilot episode, this is pretty shitty. I seriously don't remember JACK SHIT of anything that held even a single shred of importance to any future stories. Sure, there's the whole "Dea is inhuman" thing, but that's been done before. I can bet you a million that her story'll turn out just like every other "inhuman" character's story.

There are moments in this where it feels like someone just hit the SKIP button, and all of a sudden the camera angles change and their voices sound like someone just spliced together some sound clips. And then there's the highly unnecessary montage, which COMPLETELY SKIPS OVER WHAT COULD'VE BEEN COVERED IF YOU HAD DONE A FULL-LENGTH EPISODE. During the montage, we saw (what I presume to be) the protagonist at his day job, at the desk with a lady on the phone speaking. Why gee, I wonder what that scene could've been used for... Character building, maybe? NAH LET'S JUST SKIP THAT SHIT.

Like, seriously? Seriously? I feel like you, Johnathan-Wrathborne, could've actually done something memorable, but instead got lazy and said "Just wing it." If you cut out that dumb ass montage and actually tried to build some type of persona for your characters, you might've just gotten lucky and grabbed my attention somewhat, but no. Keep in mind, that I'm only typing this because I'd rather you improve, instead of constantly continue to produce crap. It feels like you really didn't try your all here.

P.S. Tell your voice actors to loosen up. Specifically the one who voices for Keiichi.



RyanCooper101RyanCooper101

Rated 5 / 5 stars

This has potential.
Keep it up !