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My NATA entry.
deep :) i liked it but could use some improvement in the music and the voicing
The best part about this flash was the backgrounds. The perspective was nice, they were well drawn, and the bit of shading added a nice touch and created a really interesting mood.
The animation was cool too, although it did seem a little unfinished at times. The seen with dad on the phone maybe could of had more movement.
Overall, it was, like I said, interesting. The plot was just weird enough to make you like it. The backgrounds really drew you in while the animation got across what it need to!
Good job :)
Gotta work on that dialogue. The backgrounds, the animation, all very stylized and well done, but the dialogue lost me at a few key points.
For example, the speech is all very contemporary until you get "Alas, the sun draws it's veil. See you tomorrow, my love!"
This came off as contrived compared to the tone evoked by the visuals/ the rest of the dialogue. I'd avoid the old-timey speech here.
Then we have the phone conversation. This is a thing we call an expository monologue, and if you are going to do it, for god's sake try not to be heavy handed. "My daughter is dead? She died shortly after I left?" That's not what someone would say in that situation, it's what a character would say to let us know what's going on. Either give us the end of the phone call so this doesn't feel so expository, or cut the dialogue and show us visually.
I'm only giving such a lengthy criticism because I liked it and thought it was worthwhile to write an in-depth review. Good stuff.
as soon as i saw your backgrounds i was like HOLY CRAP AWESOME
the actual animation could use a bit of work but its still great
really nice composition too
I think the backgrounds are awesome, the people are simple, the voices need a little work, but that's probably just a recording problem. Dialogue also seemed a little out of place.
Personally, I think this is something that would've worked out great without any voices at all, just music, sound effects, and possibly subtitles too. The voices kind of broke the atmosphere the beginning seemed to be building.
Or well. That's my opinion at least. x:
Blue Pencilmate meets Red Pencilmate, but things don't go so well...
While taking the day off work, Lloyd and Glynis take in a movie
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