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Mar 6, 2012 | 10:42 PM EST
  • Daily 4th Place March 8, 2012

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Author Comments

I'm sorry



Rated 5 / 5 stars

I want your bod. In meeeeeeeeee. LOL


Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Is this Patrick Star - the later years?

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Rated 4 / 5 stars

the life and death of spazkid


Rated 3 / 5 stars

Wait... what??


Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Without any prior knowledge of context, "Hairless" is nothing but a suicide cartoon that tries to pass itself off as comical, starring a creature worthy of nothing but our pity. Taken as symbolism in light of recent developments, however, it makes a great deal of sense. It can be taken as a very obscure political cartoon, one very personal to the authors. Spazkid and Redfeather have contrived a desolate horror story where one's pathetic existence reaches a boiling point where he must leap a tall height into the deep end. However, it's one really big and drawn-out in-joke that requires research. The embedding is very subtle. That poses a problem.

The plot is simple: a hairless, fat, retarded missing link of a wretch is in a sty with a caged bird named Dinner and countless happy oinkers. The flat is bombarded with filth and decay. To top it off, this guy wears a strange neck brace. When he receives correspondence from a familiar soul named Dex, who has been costume playing to pass the time between their next shared project, the fat man (evidently the author) grows incensed and breaks through his shackles. After he has packed up, a businessman shows up and warns him about what happens if he jumps out that window. The hulking brute leaps off.

To a casual observer, this is a messed-up cartoon and, if you didn't know who Spazkid is portraying, you'd see it sail over your head completely. Dexterboy124 and GuitarmasterX7 tag-team the "Sanity Not Included" racket, and have done so over many years via a contract with Apparently, the fine print of the contract terms and conditions--if you do not read carefully with a lawyer present--are designed to screw over content providers in various insidious ways (ask Oney, among others). It is very similar to what David Mustaine (aka Megadeth) endured while under a contract from Capitol Records; his last album on their label--a compilation--was called "Capitol Punishment". Anyway, this entire cartoon, "Hairless", is a biographical satire of GuitarmasterX7's miserable contract, which has strained his own sanity to the breaking point. Apparently, by the promotional phrase, there will no longer be any "Sanity Not Included" thanks to's machinations intruding upon these guys. Good God, that's a miserable outcome.

With that in mind, transitioning into Flash seems rather fluid. The simplicity notwithstanding, this is a surreal, colorful and well-scripted cartoon, with excellent sound direction, pacing, and symbolism. Yet, the last bit is perhaps too obscure without people doing their research about what the little nuances mean, from the neck brace to the very title of the cartoon, which means different things to different people. That poses a problem: I was lost for several viewings until I browsed other reviews to see what was up; perhaps people would drop hints about what was happening, right? Sure enough, a few people figured it out, but what a pain in the neck it was to search around the net for confirmation. This is a political cartoon through and through, and with those cartoons, the message has to be made as clear as possible, within a single panel in fact. Anything less and the audience is lost and feels stupid, and will continue feeling stupider and stupider the more they try to decipher it. Then they click no stars and blam, blam, blam out of frustration more than genuine dislike of the flash.

Hairless is strange, messed up, racy, features a half-naked fat-man scrambling for freedom, and not a whole lot of lucid context that helps us sort things through. At least it doesn't snipe at a specific person--rather, it snipes at an organization's creepy manipulative contract--and it has fewer collaborators than what they're used to, so overall, it is a step up for Spazkid and Redfeather. Casual observer: hot mess. Schooled observer: poignant and gut-wrenching in its self-deprecation. GuitarmasterX7 is better at Newgrounds than, anyway. Here, we have no contracts.

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Spazkid responds:

Please write my Movie when I die.