Tired of waiting?
Click here to disable ads!
You are not logged in. If you sign up for an account,
you can gain additional voting power over time, allowing your vote to have an even
greater impact on submission scores!
Introducing Papers, a man made of paper and graphite. For him, life is a struggle in a cruel world but he does his best to look on the bright side.
If this does well enough I might make a series out of it. Constructive criticism would be appreciated.
Questions for Review Crew:
- Do you think Papers had an adequate range of facial expression?
- Do you think it would be worthwhile to make a series out of Papers?
Problems already noted:
- Speakonia voice has to go
- Audio quality needs improvement
- Overly depressing (needs reduction or balance)
- Background (and overall look) could use refinement.
This was a clever movie you have here, There was some inspriring animation in this, and hile i do say that there was some areas of the flash that can be made to run and look better even more on a sharper and smoother feel, but i will for sure touch on those areas abit later, but now i just wanted to comment on how i preceived this to start off, and sofar i am pretty intriged by it, so glad to see something good here. Iguess theres alot of stuff happening to papers it was pretty entertaining but just wish something positive did come his way once in awhile. maybe in a future episode possibly, The main character did seem somewhat on the "SIMPLE" side of things but maybe thats something you could also enhance with some more detail. So to start off great work with the "EMOTION" of the characters you really expressed that well, and came off realisticly, that was something that stoodout for me, Lip synking was kind of off, the sound and mouth animation just didnt match up and vice versa, there was a time laps or something that just didnt match so thats something that could be worked on. The Story was actually notbad, just seemed kinda sad when all this stuff was going on and such, Graphics and visuals especially backrounds were kinda decent, Well here we come to an end of another flash, and with my closing comments on this, i had some entertaining fun and amusment with this movie, it was not great but was not poor either, it actually had some good points that kept me interested and wanting more, But with all that said sadly this review does come to an end and ill just say it was actually alright.
~~THINGS TO IMPROVE ON~~
There was some lip synking issues that could be smoothed out, You also may want to add some "SUBTITLES" in some areas of confusion with the sound of the voices, was not a big deal but subtitles would come in real hand in those lacking areas, so just another option to work on. and on a last note maybe abit more effort and detail on the character as it was just abit simplistic.
This isn't too bad. I kind of like your style and I think that you could definitely make a series out of this with a bit of refinement.
The animation was good for the most part, but felt a little stiff at times (mostly the movement of papers). I liked the way you animated the cigarette. The movement of the cigarette was probably one of if not the most fluid moving thing here. (it did still feel a tad bit choppy though)
The facial expressions of papers were definitely good. I like how you managed to show how sad he was while still making it clear that he is an optimistic person. The lip sinc was decent as well, but I thought that the shapes his mouth made didn't always look right if you get what I mean. Like... His mouth looked like he was saying something different than what he was really saying.
The audio was good for the most part but, like the description says, squeakonia definitely has to go. I found it really annoying the first time I watched this. It wasn't so bad the second time, but it still bothered me. I liked the angry voice of the second dollar that papers had stolen from him. Its voice managed to be both funny and suiting. Papers had a great voice too. He sounded optimistic, yet broken and sad as well. Actually, he sounds like Bob from The Oblongs. Subtitles when the landlord was talking would've been nice too, but I was able to understand him, so no big deal.
As requested, here's the rest of your review that you sent me:
"The backgrounds were nice as well. The background when Papers got mugged was decent but I really liked the Background aroung his home.
Overall, I reallly liked this for the most partand I definitely thik you should continue this.
<Review Request Club>
Also, while this did have a couple of slightly funny moments, I don't think it would count as a comedy movie in its current state. Too sad."
So, like several others, you would seem to agree that the overall work could use refinement and it's too depressing. I'm glad you enjoyed my cartoon, Thanks for your input.
Like the main character of the piece, this whole presentation seems quite disjointed. I can see from the movements of Papers, that he is supposed to move like that, but the plot flowing in the same sort of way is not what should be put across, I feel. Try putting subtitles in and when there are breaks in the narrative, you need to move quickly and seamlessly to the next part. This can be achieved by either aggressively cutting the piece, or more probably by adding narrative lines, to drag that side out.
The different characters that you have there are great, with the mugger and the landlord. The landlord would benefit from the subtitles the most, as I thought he was saying "rape", as opposed to "rent".
Giving a little more to this piece, you could certainly have been set for the first part of a potentially successful series. I was hoping it wasn't Clock Crew, when I heard the narrative from Speakonia and I was pleasantly surprised. I wonder what else you can have happen to Papers. Why not work on something good happening, rather than all being bad?
[Review Request Club]
Well I'm glad you found the cartoon enjoyable. Overall, the depressingness would seem to be the most common complaint and you would seem to be right about too many bad things and not enough good things happening to Papers. As for subtitles, I'll probably pass on that unless I have a character speak in a foreign language. Thanks for your input.
Seemed like a rather depressing story all together. It was well done, mind you, but it was indeed rather depressing.
Animation / Graphics - This part was mild, and somewhat bland. Parts of it seemed too quickly done, and other parts seemed timed alright. I've honestly seen better animating, but this is definitely passable, and you clearly put in some effort to it, at least. You could try improving so that the animations have a more natural and flowing feel to them, so they won't seem clunky, too quick, or too slow.
Story - The story was sad, but well told despite that. It was a rather simplistic plot, so it could have been longer, and had more detail put into it. I honestly feel that this animation would have been more enjoyable should it have had a longer plot to it, and been longer in general. Don't get me wrong, the story was written nicely, but there are some aspects that could have been improved upon.
Audio - The audio was generally pretty basic. The music added a nice feel into the background to propel the sadness onward, and increased that feel during the events of the story as well. The voices could have had more feel to them however, and the main character's voice reminded me of something similar to Prostitute Mickey.
Overall - A well made flash on the whole. Obviously there are bits here and there that could have used a general second look, and improvements should have been made, but it is obviously that you are an at least generally talented animator, and I encourage you to continue, and to better yourself and your works along the way.
-Review Request Club-
So in short the overall work needs polish, but was still pretty good. Thanks for your input.
I actually liked this one as it felt rather well done and a nice overall presentation of the story. Kind of makes you feel sad for the paper man with the music that accompanies this animation. Very sad yet good story. Even though bad things always happen to him, he tries to make the best of the moment and carry on with his life.
The animation seemed really simple and in a way felt like it was mostly tweens sometimes. The backgrounds were very nicely drawn, looks like maybe a few hours were put into each. Sadly in the end, he never got home as it got blown away and then a storm came and blew him far away from there. Very sad piece.
The music that plays gives a slightly happy feel to this even though a lot of sad things happen to him. The speakonia voice was also kind of nice but I think a human voice could have also been nice too.
Overall, great graphics, good story, nice music.
Review Request Club
I'm glad you liked the cartoon, I was surprised to get such a high rating from a Review Crew member. I definitely have to balance out the depressingness in future episodes.
The Fine Bros have an announcement.
What happens when a certain Storm trooper got rescued....
newgrounds.com — Your #1 online entertainment & artist community! All your base are belong to us.