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Don't Catch the Herp!

rated 3.84 / 5 stars
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Simulation - Dating

Credits & Info

Jan 10, 2012 | 1:26 AM EST

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Give Me a Wet One 5 Points Kiss The Girl.
Bar Hoppin' 10 Points Escape the bar in under 20 seconds.
No Red Sores 10 Points Survive The Girl's clutches.
Retro Pro 25 Points Escape in your car in under 20 seconds.
Pattern Recognition 50 Points Get away without retrying.
Freedom! Secret Medal: Unlock this medal to view its details!
LOVE Secret Medal: Unlock this medal to view its details!
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Author Comments

Hai there!

Almost two years in the making, I present the ultimate depiction of the struggle of:
Good and Evil
Justice and Corruption
Freedom and Restraint


Action Button - SPACEBAR
Movement - ARROW KEYS

The following story is based on true events. All names of people and locations involved have been changed in respect of their privacy.

Love you.



Rated 0 / 5 stars

uh, what?

you get one star for trying

but dude, cold sores while being herpes virus 1 are not the normal STD herpes (herpes virus 2). Cold sores usually flair up from nervousness and stress. So using her cold sores on he mouth as a way to say that she has herpes (which we all know you meant std herpes) is completely idiotic.

also, cold sores and std herpes are completely separate, cold sores are only transmitted through direct contact with the open sore. you can still have sex with the person and not catch "the herp" or cold sores.

you know what, you get no stars for being a douche. if your going to make a game that is supposed to make fun of something at least research it. or did making the game called "dont catch the cold sores" not sound appealing enough? I'm not like the other dude and don't like that its insensitive, or w/e, you just ruined the experience by not knowing what you made the game about.

ItsTheAshtray responds:

Interesting, you should write some articles for wikipedia. And in no way is the PURPOSE of this game to make fun of people with herpes. That's just blindly misinterpreting the experience based on an initial gut reaction. Ever see a horror or suspense movie? Maybe some girl gets obsessed with a guy and stalks him with the "If I can't have him, no one can" mentality. Maybe someone you thought you knew turns out to be an alien. The only purpose of the herpes in this game is to reinforce the cake layer of comedy.


Rated 5 / 5 stars


Funny how the herpes girl is portrayed as a beast xD


Rated 4 / 5 stars

This game is actually amusing!

I don't know what the fuck people complain about, this is really fun! But, you have to make some missions more clearer.

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Rated 4 / 5 stars

Not too bad.

It's not perfect by any means, but for what it is, it's an enjoyable little collection of minigames that I had enough fun with to get all the medals on.

The storyline is funny as hell and its complete ludicrousness really adds a lot to things, and "YOU HAVE HERPES!!" is one of the more entertaining "game over" lines I've seen in quite some time. But I'll just get take things in order...

The HERPES! HERPES! RUN AWAY! section (for lack of a better name), eh, I pretty much see it as part of the intro. Don't really have a lot to say about it, though you have perhaps a bit TOO MUCH time to react before YOU HAVE HERPES!!.

The platformer section is a bit too 'stop and go' for my tastes and Herpes Bitch moves far too slowly to be of any threat- I'm pretty sure that my first time through, where I somehow managed to run into every obstacle at least once, I still passed without ever seeing her creep up. I definitely appreciate how you didn't set me up with any ROM hack/I Wanna Be The Guy bullshit but I think you could make things a little harder.

The Frogger section is quite fun though I think the club door and your car are perhaps a bit too close to the vehicle spawn points, which means it tends to be where I die due to being hit by a car I never saw coming. I LOVE how Herpes Bitch comes out exactly where your keys are, though- that's not sarcasm, it forces you to try to find a way around an enemy that slowly homes in on you, which is pretty fun given the situation.

The driving section is fun but insanely predictable; Herpes Bitch follows the EXACT same pattern of attack every time you reach this point, and with two exceptions, you're totally safe from everything but the hearts on the far left side of the screen (which also gives you the most time to dodge the hearts).

The trial section is completely awesome, though I'd have liked the ability to advance through the text faster- in fact, if there IS a major problem with the game, it's that you have too unskippable cutscenes and the non-interactive parts of the game tend to be kind of slow- because I wanted to try out all of the failure options, as well as the YOU AREN'T ARRESTED!! path. I also would've preferred it to be a little longer, but it works for what it does.

Overall, I liked it! My only real issue with the game is that it's kind of short and definitely too easy, but I'll definitely admit that I had a good time playing.

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Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Not particularly amused

I get that it's supposed to be all funny and everything, and offensive Newgrounds content is widely accepted as the norm, but when you say it's based on true events it makes me think you actually were cruel and insensitive to someone just because they had herpes. Herpes is extremely common. I myself get cold sores from time to time, and they're usually barely visible. I just make sure I don't kiss anyone while they're active. Although if I knew they already had herpes then it would be okay.

So yeah. Stuff like racist humor can be seen as making fun of racism or whatever. But this doesn't seem like you're making fun of cruel and insensitive people. It just seems like you are a cruel and insensitive person. I hope I'm wrong though.

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ItsTheAshtray responds:

Good review, and fair assumption. ITS NOT REALLY BASED ON ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO REALITY. So no, I'm not making fun of anyone in particualar or people with the disease in general. She's just a character.