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Jan 10, 2012 | 1:26 AM EST
  • Daily 3rd Place January 11, 2012

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Medals

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Give Me a Wet One 5 Points Kiss The Girl.
Bar Hoppin' 10 Points Escape the bar in under 20 seconds.
No Red Sores 10 Points Survive The Girl's clutches.
Retro Pro 25 Points Escape in your car in under 20 seconds.
Pattern Recognition 50 Points Get away without retrying.
Freedom! Secret Medal: Unlock this medal to view its details!
LOVE Secret Medal: Unlock this medal to view its details!
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Author Comments

Hai there!

Almost two years in the making, I present the ultimate depiction of the struggle of:
Good and Evil
Justice and Corruption
Freedom and Restraint

-INSTRUCTIONS-

Action Button - SPACEBAR
Movement - ARROW KEYS

-WARNING-
The following story is based on true events. All names of people and locations involved have been changed in respect of their privacy.

Love you.

Reviews


YukaTakeuchiFanYukaTakeuchiFan

Rated 4 / 5 stars January 10, 2012

Not too bad.

It's not perfect by any means, but for what it is, it's an enjoyable little collection of minigames that I had enough fun with to get all the medals on.

The storyline is funny as hell and its complete ludicrousness really adds a lot to things, and "YOU HAVE HERPES!!" is one of the more entertaining "game over" lines I've seen in quite some time. But I'll just get take things in order...

The HERPES! HERPES! RUN AWAY! section (for lack of a better name), eh, I pretty much see it as part of the intro. Don't really have a lot to say about it, though you have perhaps a bit TOO MUCH time to react before YOU HAVE HERPES!!.

The platformer section is a bit too 'stop and go' for my tastes and Herpes Bitch moves far too slowly to be of any threat- I'm pretty sure that my first time through, where I somehow managed to run into every obstacle at least once, I still passed without ever seeing her creep up. I definitely appreciate how you didn't set me up with any ROM hack/I Wanna Be The Guy bullshit but I think you could make things a little harder.

The Frogger section is quite fun though I think the club door and your car are perhaps a bit too close to the vehicle spawn points, which means it tends to be where I die due to being hit by a car I never saw coming. I LOVE how Herpes Bitch comes out exactly where your keys are, though- that's not sarcasm, it forces you to try to find a way around an enemy that slowly homes in on you, which is pretty fun given the situation.

The driving section is fun but insanely predictable; Herpes Bitch follows the EXACT same pattern of attack every time you reach this point, and with two exceptions, you're totally safe from everything but the hearts on the far left side of the screen (which also gives you the most time to dodge the hearts).

The trial section is completely awesome, though I'd have liked the ability to advance through the text faster- in fact, if there IS a major problem with the game, it's that you have too unskippable cutscenes and the non-interactive parts of the game tend to be kind of slow- because I wanted to try out all of the failure options, as well as the YOU AREN'T ARRESTED!! path. I also would've preferred it to be a little longer, but it works for what it does.

Overall, I liked it! My only real issue with the game is that it's kind of short and definitely too easy, but I'll definitely admit that I had a good time playing.


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TharosTheDragonTharosTheDragon

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars January 10, 2012

Not particularly amused

I get that it's supposed to be all funny and everything, and offensive Newgrounds content is widely accepted as the norm, but when you say it's based on true events it makes me think you actually were cruel and insensitive to someone just because they had herpes. Herpes is extremely common. I myself get cold sores from time to time, and they're usually barely visible. I just make sure I don't kiss anyone while they're active. Although if I knew they already had herpes then it would be okay.

So yeah. Stuff like racist humor can be seen as making fun of racism or whatever. But this doesn't seem like you're making fun of cruel and insensitive people. It just seems like you are a cruel and insensitive person. I hope I'm wrong though.


People find this review helpful!
ItsTheAshtray responds:

Good review, and fair assumption. ITS NOT REALLY BASED ON ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO REALITY. So no, I'm not making fun of anyone in particualar or people with the disease in general. She's just a character.


zantusurperzantusurper

Rated 1 / 5 stars January 10, 2012

Sticky botons

This game is bad, try to fix the controls



SonicTHSonicTH

Rated 5 / 5 stars January 10, 2012

pixiebuloso...

I love pixel games, and the story was funny too :D



springfire4springfire4

Rated 0.5 / 5 stars January 10, 2012

Sticky controls

Sticky controls that dont work more than half the time. Slow and bad quality.