416 - Chapter 1

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416 - Chapter 1

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rated 3.68 / 5 stars

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The world is about to be destroyed. Demil Da'Monisch, an astral guide in charge of taking souls to the Other Side, and Scih Ciresta, a girl that has nothing to do with the dead ones, will go on an adventure to discover what is happening.

****THIS IS A VISUAL NOVEL: THAT MEANS ALMOST NO PLAYABILITY AND ONLY READING. IF YOU DON'T LIKE VISUAL NOVELS CLOSE THIS NOW (or play this one, maybe you like it!)****

My first real game... or whatever.

This is a story I've been working on for a long time now. I hope you like it!
It's the first chapter only. If it's succesful enough, I will release the rest.

This chapter is long, less than an hour but a bit long.

Thank's for playing (or reading, or whatever)!

*************

EDIT

EDIT (28-nov): Next chapter will be released on December 31. You can get more information about releases and things related to my games following me on twitter (@inkainis).

(Daily 5th place!! Thanks a lot!!)

Thank You!

*************

Things I'll add to the engine on chapter 2:
-Increase the speed of the text.
-Use of spacebar for passing the text, aswell as the mouse.
-Revised translation (although I think this one is fine).

Thanks for giving ideas!

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gracik

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars November 27, 2011

just one thing to note

First and foremost, you have a few grammar mistakes. Such as you forgot a word in a few lines. No big deal really.

But here's the thing. You should of ended the chapter as soon as they entered the other side, leaving the reader in complete suspense. Personally, you should scrap everything that happened when they entered the other side. And resubmit it. Because honestly, I was hooked on the story right until they entered the other side. Then I lost complete interest in it, because you were trying to add a side war story to it. And it just drug it on. Which might I add, took away from the whole point of the story, with the guide trying to get the girl out of the void.

Keep the "The Grand Finale" story, but rewrite what happens when they entered the other side. Because a side war story just ruined it for me.

Overall - 9/10
Very good writing.

Nittram responds:

Haha, don't worry. The war thing is not a side story, everything has a meaning in the end, everything makes sense.

Thank you for playing!

Dank818

Rated 5 / 5 stars November 27, 2011

Im Not A reader But

I read THIS WHOLE thing!!
NICE WORK!!

Nittram responds:

Thank you!

karate-kid-x

Rated 4 / 5 stars November 26, 2011

Decent story, great musci.

I did quite like the story. It wasn't too terribly deep, but nothing on newgrounds really is.

The music is very good, and It really drives the quality more than anything else.

When you make a flash submission to Newgrounds, you can choose whether you want to submit it as a movie or as a game. This is a movie.

There's an issue with the word wrapping. Since you render your words in a typewriter fashion, words toward the end of a row will begin on one line, and when they get too long, they move across the screen and 1 row down. This is distracting and confusing for some, and is a bug that needs fixing.