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Nov 1, 2011 | 9:58 AM EDT

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Author Comments

New preloader now.
Have a good episode !



Rated 3 / 5 stars


Your art's pretty damn decent, but there's a couple of things you could do that'd polish your work off much better. Do bear in mind this is the first time I've seen any of your work!

First thing - clean up the preloader, you look like an ad whore for whatever OgZone is. See if you can maybe restrict it to a small bar.

Secondly, the intro needn't be so long. If it's because you like the song and you want people to hear all of it, you have to either find it within yourself to shorten it to less than say twenty seconds, or really pack in some movement (maybe a sliding panorama/strip of characters you want to show) and have your credits or sponsors whatever appearing while it's going on. The characters' names or a small bio or whatever might be worth considering, but that might not work for you. If not, no biggie.

Also - see if you can have the video take up all of the space available - the redundant black bits make it seem a little claustrophobic.

A little more movement, especially in the later scenes would be good, also a little trick I've seen done well is if you have two consecutive pics of one character, say changing stance or facial expressions from the same angle, is just fade the first out to reveal the second. It kinda gives an illusion of animation. Depends on the scene, your call :)

Do something cool with the text, it's too static right now. A gentle slide/fade in, slide/fade out would be good, and you could play around with the effects for when a character is shouting or whispering etc.

I like most of the backgrounds, but in the scene with the two girls at the end it's too obvious that you've pasted over one static texture. If you put as much love into the backgrounds as you do with your characters, and perhaps don't let faces take up too much of the pic, it will look so much better :D

Yeah, kill the copy/paste textures.

Last point, the dialogue - most of it is fine, but the odd line is weird grammarwise. Get a mate to check it over for you first - get it really clean and proper and you'll look like a total pro compared to the rest of newgrounds.

That's all I have to say, apart from the music is spot on! Keep it up man :)

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AxelTheAs responds:

Hey thanjs for your review. There is very interesting point ^^ But the problem for the actual episodes are "old" episode of the French version, poorly translated until the episode 27, from it there are translated by biligual friend.

So except for the player I can't really improve things, but at the beginning of 2012 years they will have new episodes so you'll can see improvment :)

For the information, French version is at the 38th episode but at the new Arc (Febuary 2012), English and French version will be at the same episodes (Episode 41).

See you, thanks for your comments and the interest that you bear for the series