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I do stuff and things. I suck at stuff so i compensate with things.
If you intend to write a short, please keep a couple basic things in mind:
1) Decide what the point of it is.(comedy, telling a story, conveying a message, etc...) This flash just consists of random chatter, no funny jokes, and spends time explaining things we don't care about, such as the bizarre and nonsensical Korichipo thing.
2) Beginning, middle and end. Basic tenant of writing. Don't dump us in the middle of something with no information, have one actual event happen, and then fail to follow through on it. The assassination thing was really silly, and I think it was suppose to be an rpg joke, but then you switched back to being serious and dropping half hearted explanations for things we don't care about yet.
3) Lastly, learn the basic who, what, and whys of storytelling. The characters talk about Strad and his wife. Who is Stard? Finally answered after 5 minutes of talking about the sexual appeal of cartoon women. What's a yeoman? Who knows? Why are we hearing about the ethics of monster slaying and a crown wearing rebellion? Can't tell as there's nothing noteworthy to be said about them.
For all the time it took to watch this, I can honestly say I know nothing about the characters or their world aside from random name drops. If you do comedy, focus on jokes. If you telling a story, start with a beginning and a main character to focus on.
nothing else needs to be said
Like a bad opera sope.
Its hard to argue this way, but why should anybody want another opera sope? Who is interested in such stuff?
Your drawings are ok, voice acting is even a little better. Both are improvable. I guess voices are not perfect because of poor equipment. The story needs action. Nothing ever really happens. And the text is not funny enough to compensate this. IMHO the music is rather the best part of this, but again its just second class...
It has potential, but atm its just nonsense more or less well executed.
What is this? I don't even...
Ha ha ha, this was just perfect. Like the entire thing was funny all the way through, and the humor was so fresh and strange and unique. I would laugh when the guy got shot or when he started beating up the other guy. Nothing made any sense, and the violence was so unexpected with those deadpan expressions. Then again, I never knew what to expect. And I loved that guy's Russian accent. Even reading the author's comments was hilarious.
Also, you're good at drawing hot girls. Should do some erotic stuff.
When I saw the title, I assumed this was episodes one through nine. But now I get that it's like the ninth episode of the first season. Gotta watch the rest now.
Anime Jersey Shore
title says it all
Can't beat that game!!
It's Payday Fellas !
GwainSaga - (Original Serie)
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