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I do stuff and things. I suck at stuff so i compensate with things.
Good lord, I love these characters. So original, they're each dichotomies in themselves, and I feel each plays on classic social archetypes.
The swearing's in character, the fanservice is for a reason; the little details create such vivid characters, even down to the bright colors and personalities. There is elegance in the short shorts mixed with the dress, the pencil mustache with the armor; the glasses with the cape. It's all so refreshingly original.
These are some of the coolest characters ever for being so brilliant, and for constantly being such statements on society.
Good story, good characters, easily one of the best series on Newgrounds. Too bad so many people are too stupid and/or lack the attention span to follow the plot. Keep um coming. You the man Crintleod.
Please get rid of that doorbell.
Judging from some of the other reviews I'd say people aren't getting that this is a slice of life comedy. I guess that's not so surprising, you don't see much slice of life stuff on newgrounds.
Well, I liked it. Except the doorbell sound you use when something needs to be clicked, I hate that. Something about that sound totally kills my ears. Maybe cause I'm using headphones. I'll try not using headphones next time.
You've got talent, but this is ridiculous.
Look, I'll give all the compliments here: you're good at drawing. I like the character designs, and the voice recording is well done, especially the accents. It's got this cartoony-anime feeling that's easy on the eyes, even though it's not very detailed.
Unfortunately, Luna Rose is so convoluted, so utterly ridiculous, I almost mistook it for a parody.
The dialogue is...urgh. It's this tedious soap opera crap that explains too much and is unwieldy and bloated. Each person talking launches into what appears to be a soliloquy, and all of it is batshit insane! It makes the discombobulated plot even more haphazard and random and pointless. Now, I'm not going to comment on not knowing the characters, because, since this appears to be a series, I should be familiar with these characters if I had been following the plot. But after watching five minutes, I couldn't even catch a glimpse of the plot. For continuity's sake, I looked up one of the earlier episodes, and couldn't decipher that either. Damn.
I can recognize that you are a good artist, and have good contacts for the voice acting. So, I'm going to give you a list. You don't have to follow this list. I'm just putting it out there for you to consider.
1. Get a writer or a how-to-write book. I'd recommend "Plot and Structure" by James Scott Bell; it should help you a) improve your characters, b) improve the plot, and c) give you the resources to create better, less bulky dialogue.
2. Half the time, double the polish. Instead of making a 10-minute video with basic, uninteresting colors and shading, make a five-minute video and add shading and depth. Trust me, it'll really improve your work.
3. Discontinue Luna Rose. (gasp!) Sounds bad, don't it? I don't think so. If you've gotten all the way to episode 9 and nobody has a clue what you're talking about, chances are there aren't going to be any great revelations in episode 10. The plot's so bogged down and ludicrous at this point that it'd be better to start anew, with new experience and, hopefully, a better understanding of your audience and storytelling as a whole. I'd rather see you embark on something new and great rather than Luna Rose 1-10.
That's my two cents. Hope you found at least some of these points relevant. If you do decide to start something new, feel free to PM me. I write as a job and as a hobby, and would be willing to help if you care to ask for it.
Good luck, and congrats on the Daily Feature!
Can't beat that game!!
It's Payday Fellas !
GwainSaga - (Original Serie)
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