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Shitty Shorts.

rated 2.77 / 5 stars
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Credits & Info

Jul 8, 2011 | 7:38 PM EDT

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Author Comments

These kinda suck, but I'm over not submitting things to newgrounds, because I think they'll make me look bad. If you're able to, enjoy it. If you hate it, PM me and I'll give you my address so you can come kill me.



Rated 4 / 5 stars


Haha. I liked the Drunk one.

Drunk on power.

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Rated 5 / 5 stars

I thought it was funny :>.

Although the funniest part of this Flash would have to be that wall of text three reviews below mine. :>

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Rated 5 / 5 stars

Am I drunk?

Yes! Drunk on POWER!!!! 5/5 10/10 hahahahahaha!!!!.......I am ashamed....Though that is my favorite part and I enjoyed it so whatever.


Rated 5 / 5 stars


I like dat.

BeamShank responds:

I like YOU.


Rated 0 / 5 stars

Grabbag Guy, Thanks for the Foghorn

Okay, when a Flash animator makes a bunch of garbage, the main objective is to shelve it under "scraps" and never look upon it except when drawing inspiration or just reminding yourself of just how awful it really is... while simultaneously upholding the vow NEVER TO RELEASE IT FOR GENERAL CONSUMPTION! However, there is this unfortunate effect of alcohol which impairs the judgment center of the brain. If the decision to ignore said objective concerning their work is made while sober, there is no excuse period! In any case, Clark Dyer's "Shitty Shorts" was born from such material, apparently as a continuation of past material that never should have debuted on Newgrounds either. I can't understand what these are about. If it's an alpha, beta, or a test of some sort, fine. Actual random garbage, on the other hand, is only entertaining in a bad way, a snotty attempt to make us laugh without risking the possibility of a Turd of the Week because it's INTENTIONALLY BAD, which means Newgrounds types WILL EMBRACE THE SUCKITUDE AND VOTE FIVE... right?

Okay, the second paragraph generally describes the plot via overview, enough so that it doesn't spoil any surprises or the end. But this time, I must ask people to watch their ears and turn the volume on their headphones to a trickle. Why? Foghorn. A Futtbucking Foghorn. And it's in the first half of this travesty, which, if you were trying to order the songs on your album, you'd want this at the tail end or the last track, NOT THE FIRST! It's not even the third paragraph and I'm already critiquing the arrangement... for what it's worth.

Quite simply, the pieces were all made as part of a challenge that the last week of the month when all of this stuff got produced was thematically centered upon pants. Yes. Clothing. None of these animations have much if anything to do with Pants, so in that regard, they fail horribly. There are character shots where I expect pants to be worn but the character is wearing only a top. Apparently, the key ingredient to the week about pants is not to wear any pants at all. The segments also contain voice overs of the author, who's both a poor narrator and an even poorer actor. If he's better than this, he makes no effort to suggest that here. There is evidence of some artistic skill, but apparently lip sync doesn't exist. Thanks to this cartoon's existence, we're pretty certain that God doesn't exist, either.

This is not something you want on your resume; if someone points an animation studio to this sort of merciless drivel... well, chances are you would not only NOT get a job or offer, but the guy who fished this thing out would get publicly hanged. This is a cartoon that only a stoner could appreciate.

It's far less a mood thing when I decry the grievance of submitting collages of coprophiliac conundrums, because I prefer animators to succeed, to learn from their past efforts and (obviously) to entertain the masses. It's for their own benefit if they don't submit garbage for the sake of submitting garbage. We may laugh, but not in a good way. This stuff ought to be discouraged because if it gets positive attention, it may interject the unintended notion that it is acceptable to be sloppy or a halfwit when submitting.

If Clark Dyer wants to look like a halfwit, that's his business. But hey... if you're going to comment about "Shitty Shorts", make sure he never lives to hear the end of that sentiment.

BeamShank responds:

You're definitely entitled to your own opinion, I can see why you, or anyone else for that matter would hate this. I don't wanna look down my nose at you and tell you that you just didn't understand the jokes, but 1000% of the humor in this relied on irony. I also don't wanna be one of those people that hides behind the fact that this was supposed to be shitty, but it IS in the name. However, I'm not ashamed of posting this. It's all in the name of fun. Not too long ago, I would have never thought about submitting these, but it's better not to be stuck-up or sensitive about these things. Like I said in the Author's comments, if you're able to, enjoy it.