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Jun 27, 2011 | 8:34 PM EDT

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Author Comments

*edit* wow thanks so much for front page! i hope this platform will get people pretty amped about the next episode! i've basically already begun it and can't wait to bring it here! i will try to reply to as many comments as i can

Hey guys!

I'm truly excited to bring the first section of my very own series to Newgrounds. It may not be as action packed as future episodes but i think its a great jumping off point and gives a sense of what the rest of the series will feel like!

Thanks so much to D-mac and Giantjuicy - i made this script a looooong time ago and they probly thought i had forgotten it - im glad to have it out and hope to be contacting the full cast of voice actors for the first episode soon !

I hope to see the first full episode IN the portal by the end of august as well!

So thanks for checkin it out - and try to keep an open mind while watching! (i know this wont be for everyone haha)

i know it feels short but its actually 3min and 3 secs

Full screen and dim the lights - - enjoy!

{{ i will try to respond to as many reviews as i can }}

Reviews


JazLyteJazLyte

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars July 1, 2011

Wouldnt know it was you if it didn't say your name

Ugh, I feel so bad for leaving this review, I love your work so much, but I gotta be honest, this just wasn't you at all. There is a gaping hole in this flash where your touch should be. The art is solid and clean-drawn and there's some great acting here, especially the blind guy. That laugh was awesome, it's perfect for the character. It's well-presented, and it's sleek enough to be professional. But there are a lot of things that are kind of bothering me.

Half of the problem here is the lack of style and color that you put to full use in ALL your other stuff. It's missing completely; I know you said in one of your responses you said that the setting is meant to be bland intentionally so that future settings will look better in comparison, but something didn't sit right with me. I remember the first thing I ever saw from you, Closing In, it was so fucking cool, colorful and stylish for such a simplistic concept, I still creep back and watch it even 2 years later. There was none of that fun, quirky style here. That blast of energy and color your collab pieces have, it was nowhere near this cartoon at all...

The other half is in the plot and dialogue, there's a lot of cliche, and not particularly in a satirical manner. Some things in this cartoon ("JEERO? MORE LIKE ZERO") had me face-palming the same way I do when I watch Ben 10's horrible depiction of...well...human interaction in general. I can't tell if you were doing it on purpose or not... If the cliches were a joke, it wasn't communicated too clearly to the rest of us. Some action and sick fBf may have saved it, but there wasn't any. You say there'll be more action in future episodes, but that doesn't do much for us, the viewers, right now.

I think the discrepancy here is the same as with many plot-heavy original series on NG that fizzle out before they can make an impact, and that's too heavy of a lean on future episodes. In future episodes, the settings won't be so bland. In future episodes, the story will get better, in future episodes, there will be more action. In future episodes, the characters will be really interesting. The thing you have to consider is that if future episodes are where all the meat of the series is, then what's the point of this current episode? If it's just to show me the characters faces or expose a single plot point or two, then this whole cartoon was a waste, because people probably aren't going to watch it again. Things like"exposing characters" or "getting people amped for the next episode" are disposable, people won't look back. The audience will pick up on the story if it's told well enough, we don't need shmoozing into the series unless the "shmoozing" is just as entertaining as the rest of the series is supposed to be.

Even if it's just a prologue, satisfy us. Make finding the good in this series easy for the viewer and make each episode as entertaining and satisfying as possible. Have as much intrigue as possible, as much character as possible, and if it's an "Action series", it helps to have action in every episode. Even a one-sided frame-by-frame ass kicking between the old man and the bullies would have added a lot to this episode's rematch value. When you're writing to ask yourself if each episode is entertaining enough to remember, or to warrant multiple watches regardless of what point the story is at. Could I show this one episode to somebody and have them be satisfied even if I could never show them the other episodes? Make each iteration like it's the series finale, put super-stank on it, so these 3-5 minutes will be incredible. It's not even like you can't, I've seen you do it before. When you're working on the next one, please don't paste "future episodes will be better" all over it, if you keep doing that, those "better" future episodes will never come, and there won't be any reason to watch any of the episodes.

Umm... >.> Love you?

<.<


People find this review helpful!
RedHarvest responds:

yo man!

Thanks for taking the time to watch the toon and to go so in depth with the review - that being said i have a few thoughts in return

I'm bummed you didnt dig the colors - i was actually really proud of myself for how good the coloring looked on my part haha - o well

one thing that struck me that you mentioned was that "it had you face palming like when you watch Ben 10" and i think thats where the large Rift is coming from as far as viewers of this toon -
because i actually LOVE Ben 10! i am well aware of the fact that is superly cheesed up and over the top with dialogue. - but i think theres a lot of people out there that really like that kind of thing, including me.

you are definitely right - i dont really think i would call this an ACTION toon - i just didnt really think any of the other options suited it haha - - perhaps i will re lable it -

i think the main thing you are mistaken about is this- im not saying/ leaning on "the next episode will be BETTER" - - just that it will be different - yes there will be more action(but this series isnt ultimately about crazy fbf action) but it will just be more of the plot continuing - and im not ashamed of this episode at all and i dont believe that i told anyone the next would be "better" only that more characters appear and more action will take place - which is just the nature of the scripts and story

When it all boils down - I knew when i began that this wouldnt be for everybody - but i think it WILL be for a lot of people so i just hope they can take enjoyment from this the way i have from creating it- -im really happy with it the way this turned out and i think i will TURN YOU - thanks for not just giving it a 3, and actually giving me some credit for putting some time and effort into this ; )

for someone as well versed and critically honest with the toon/anime world as you - a 7 aint bad!
LOVE YOU TOO BATCH


EsskadenEsskaden

Rated 3 / 5 stars June 29, 2011

Start

I was kinda eh, about this. since the small amount of info show is a tad over done. But i don't straight up "give up" on it. since it might have a over used premise but its what you do with it and the characters that will make it unique. The voice acting was solid enough and the animation wasn't eye dropping (i've seen better from you). But I DO look forward to seeing where you go with it. I'm always a fan of "Series" on Newground.
P.S makes those character strong! You know you can!


RedHarvest responds:

i think you will be pleased with the rest of the characters in the next ep - thanks for checkin it out


SonnYojimboSonnYojimbo

Rated 3 / 5 stars June 29, 2011

This was OK

Half decent animation but nothing special, same can be said for the story itself. Not exactly an original plot. On the upside that was some very good voice acting. I guess.... just keep on keeping on, or some shit like that. Whatever, stay classy, peace out


RedHarvest responds:

aw THX dooowg


JpedJped

Rated 3 / 5 stars June 28, 2011

A good start

I thought it was interesting enough to make me watch future episodes which I assume is what you wanted :p It was good, but a few things. At times I thought the Jeero/ Zero guy was a bit of an idiot. So I didn't really care about what happened to him. Also, I thought the environments could be a little more varied. Something a little more interesting than a desert next time might be nice. Other than that, a little more hand drawn animation might be nice but it's a great start :]


RedHarvest responds:

i agree actually! the environment on jeero's planet is meant to be much more mundane than the environments where he is headed - so expect them to get even better!


LaughingCynicLaughingCynic

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars June 29, 2011

Pacing...

...get some. Seriously. Too much to fast. You throw way to much at the audience for it to be taken seriously. The narrative resembles Girl Chan in Paradise more than I think you wanted.


RedHarvest responds:

haha ill try to get some man.