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The script is great, and the short is actually pretty funny. The only thing you need to work on is the drawings and animation, but the music is funny, and the voice is too.
Guess this is going to be a somewhat spammy review, but I really don't have any other criticism. The humor is good, the art and animation just needs some work.
Keep at it.
the concept, and in fact the whole script, is actually really funny. well, to me atleast lol. The only thing you need to work on is the actual animation, it conveyed the story well enough, but if it was a little more impressive you would be able to share the great humor with more people, since it would amuse more people.
Still though, it made me lol, as im sure it made a good few others too. But just practice your animating, and make a sequal when the visuals are on par with the humor itself
I really think the idea has potential (:
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