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Uploaded
May 16, 2010 | 10:03 PM EDT

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Author Comments

Well heres another try at a flash animation i just hope this isnt gonna be blammed i tried my best soo.. here it is!

EDIT: Im going to remake this animation again this one already seems to have a better score then most of mine so yeah

Reviews


FortetoForteto

Rated 2 / 5 stars May 17, 2010

Nice idea... but

I like it, but it seems a bit like a story board for a animation then anything else. I like the idea, but the art could use some work.



GungaDGungaD

Rated 2 / 5 stars May 16, 2010

Spelling...

You should have checked YOUR spelling. Other than that, not bad. The animation is crude, but passable. Keep working and practicing, and keep the dictionary handy.



Rabid-AnimalsRabid-Animals

Rated 2 / 5 stars May 16, 2010

Needs refining.

The art was okay, and the animation was also average, but this lacked substance. Sure, the story was coherent, but it came off as haphazard. Spend more time on development. Ten cheap laughs are always better than one.

Also, what bothered me most and lost you a whole star was this:
Your DOES NOT EQUAL you're.

You're= you are
Your= posessive (Your cat is on fire.)


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Dbreth responds:

Yeeaaah.. i wasnt really paying attention to that thanks for pointing it out!


SilvercrownkingSilvercrownking

Rated 3 / 5 stars May 16, 2010

Needs some work.

It was not all to horrible. I will not lie at times I was a little lost as to where the character was due to the incompleteness of the backgrounds. Like for example when he is told he is fired, it looks like his is near a filing cabinet but "outside" there are people in a playground?

I will say that the movement of the characters was fluid which was nice to see.

The plot all be it short was not all that bad, though a bit tragic, a failed attempt at suicide? I am not sure whether or not he killed himself I could not tell.

Just keep at it and you'll improve.

Oh and lol, did the gun fire the whole bullet? With the cartridge still attached :P?


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Dbreth responds:

Oh it wasnt a playground it was sorta like a office place thingy and i dont really know about guns all i know is that they look like a L ._.


McMouseMcMouse

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars May 16, 2010

Got a giggle...

i snickered through out it, could have lived without the ricochet. short.