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This was my first, REAL, flash animation i made with my sister. It started as a test on voices when i had a cool idea.
Could use subtitles
It's not a bad piece, but the audio quality was a little sucky and there wasn't really enough animation for my liking, but it's got potential.
Perhaps ask your sister to stay a little further away from the microphone when she does her lines - it gives a little static overtone when she speaks.
There could be a little more animation, as it's just a head moving, which is quite basic. Perhaps fade something into the background, like the detail of the interrogation cell - the light will give off enough effect for you to put some greys in there, so make the most of it.
Hand drawing is always good as well - the character looks weird with the eyes being different sizes and lopsided, so play to that as it is, just make it look a little more normal. You'll get there, but making the guy look like a complete freak isn't the way to go - a few more subtle things would help, so straighten the head up a little, make the eyes more uniform sized and as the tweaks become more subtle, you'll find that they have more impact.
Finally, adding a subtitle bar would really help you - I could understand about 1 word in 10, which is a real shame.
[Review Request Club]
aha, well the real reason i posted this animation was to see what tips people would give me and im currently working on one with a better mic and lots of animation, thanks for the tips man its helpful
Better luck next time
First and foremost, congratulations on having a crack at flash, it takes real balls to have a shot but let's be honest, the quality of this flash is rather horrible. Here's some pointers for next time.
Artwork - It's simplistic, but not in a good way. Firstly, the figure's head is extremely disproportionate; giant eyes, square pupils, awkward mouth but the pièce de résistance of this array must be the chunks of head lost between hairs. If you had paid more attention, this mistake would've been fixed quickly. However, it looks like you can actually draw to some degree; the figure's torso looks perfectly fine to me apart from the lack of shading concerning the hoodie. The laziness you have shown comes through in every single other aspect of this flash as follows.
Animation - This is crucial to any flash movie, and any animator should take due care in this area. Animating the eyes and mouth only doesn't help your already lackluster art. Also, I did not like the single viewpoint, it convoluted the story.
Story - From what I made out the story follows the interrogation of a murderer who is very childlike in character and cannot comprehend the current situation, infuriating the interrogator. It looks great in words like those, but it was not executed in the best possible manner. Only through the sound could I tell the interrogator was leaving, because there was no other viewpoint to see him actually walk away, which on your part is plain lazy and without animation to tell the story, only the sound could.
Sound/Voice - I'm pretty sure that the murderer figure is a male, so why does "his" voice sound like that of a 5 year old girl? Being a guy yourself, you could have done both voices yourself. Also, the low quality of sound, mixed with the very high voice of your sister (I'm assuming that it's your sister) heavily convoluted the story as I could not hear much of her lines. And on top of all that, the microphone created irregularities in the sound, between the segments of speech, there was an eerie silence - a lack of the crinkly noise created by the microphone. Uniformity of sound would've helped. A further note, when working with microphones, don't hit them against anything or fumble around with them, it picks up those noises which were probably not necessary to the story.
Your pride probably got the better of you here: "it is my flash, so I don't give a shit what people think, I had fun". If, perchance, these words, or similar, passed your mind before submitting, it really wouldn't have hurt to critique your own flash and fix it up before submitting it to the public. Also, don't forget that practice makes perfect; keep at improving each of these factors individually and eventually you may create something spectacular.
Ok, listen, i understand what your saying, and i looked at your account saying you want to do reviews, but honestly, that was a bit harsh on my part considering this is the first flash animation ive actually really tried on. No this was not laziness. have you ever thought that my pov was actually intentional? no? you seem to be blaming all the problems on me, like the face which was intentional, the disproportion was part of his character, and my sister asked if she could help, cause im a nice person. My animation was not "awful". I dont think you should criticize others videos if you dont even have your own. And you said my Lackluster art? so im a terrible artist now because i decided not to animate anything else? this animation was based upon the sound, you werent supposed to see the interrogator. Your reviews are too strict, and your standards are too high, if you want to review, then you have to have done something better, but i dont see anything good about your animations, yet you dont have any.
The voice work was pretty strong, the graphics were sufficient for what you were doing. Keep it up.
this is good for a first flash. I gave you a 4.
There wasnt a lot of animation, the mouth and the eyes only, you could try to put more next time. It was funny xD
Haha thank you that makes me happy, yea i was thinking about that when i was making it, but i wanted to stick with what i have, so i can see what people like, i might do a remake or even a part two. THANKS AGAIN :D
very good flash for your first man, i gope you get better and make more ones like this
thanks man, i really appreciate it :)
A short film about a park bench
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