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Ok yeah this is the next episode and im still learning so please tell me what you think and if you have any kind of tip that would be awesome
Update1 ok i went back and tryed to fix the sound I think I got it
The reviewer below me really had a mouthful :) He/She does bring up some points that I agree with: The narration was a bit choppy( but I've heard much worse) and some of the animations were a little indistinguishable, but I gotta had it to you for drawing that well with a mouse. For me drawing with a mouse is like maikng a circle on an etch & sketch. This series does peak my interests though so i'll be on the lookout for the next episodes. Despite the flaws this is a job well done.
Thank you for watching and the comment :)
ok I got a few things if you want me to say
The major, most distracting, issue in my opinion is the narration. While I find the voice narrating monotonous; its multiplied by the excessive on and off detail of the story. It seems theres either too much, or too little at times, and simply not enough substantial info that I need to know to understand the movie. What let me down even more was how the movie ended when the narration ended. Where's the action in that? Alright, let me break this down the best way a 4000 character limit can allow me to do.
"Olympus, ciry of gods, of paradise.. What a joke. There's nothing godly about this city. This place is no paradise, it is a prison. (Steel and stone?)"-I think that's what you said " Blocking all that live inside it in a perpetual state of violent self destruction." Then you slide show a guy in a hoodie, a prostitute
, some guy sitting on a step, and what appears to be a man shot down by cops for some reason.
But why? Why are they so miserable? Albeit you get into that later on, but the beginning is supposed to be the hook, to grab my attention. I, the viewer, won't care if they're suffering if its for no reason other than because you tell me they are. Even more importantly, if you give me details I don't care about it will simply bore me and provoke a bad judgment.
This is how I would of done that part:
"Olympus, city of gods, of paradise.. (haha.. ha) What a joke. City of the gods and paradise? I'd call it the city of irony. It's cold steel and stone trap all inside like a great labyrinth, driving those not affected by Gene 47 into a perpetual state of self induced madness..." ~Show the Guy sitting on the step, however, he is deranged looking, cradling a gun in his hands~, "Self pity..." ~Show the clip of the man in the hoodie, only he is pale, slumped over on the seat, and passed out from what appears to be habitual drug use~ "Self indulgence, and survival.. by any means necessary." ~Show the prostitute standing on the corner, however, there is a grimy looking man who is a potential customer She appears ashamed, looking down at the ground with an expresion that reads self loathing.~ *Main character looks out the window of the train into the rain* "Not everyone makes in in this world.." ~Show the man shot by the cops, however he is holding a gun, or a stolen item, or even better, he is one of the gene 47 people.~ The main character looks down to the ground. "If this is the city of the gods, then the gods weep." ~Camera zooms out, rain continues to fall, then it fades into the title screen: "Gene 47 Episode 2"
Well? I'll admit I simply pulled that out of my ass, but I'm fairly certain it looks much better than the clip I copypasted right out of your movie, no? I do need to stress that you put some enthusiasm into your narrating. If. I. Wrote. My. Review. Like. This. You. Would. Not. Read. It. Yeah? Christ! Almost forgot: Music, music, music! You need music in the background! Major difference without it: have a video game system? Put in a game, go into options, turn off all music, then play the game. See my point?
I do have to get into the second issue, as I'm running low on space: as much as I would enjoy revising the entire narration. While you definitely are a step above the average artist, the shortcuts in drawing you took stick out like a sore thumb. Here is a few:
Most prominent in my mind: The recycled cityline and the big red circle that was supposed to be a helicopter. It is as if the helicoper is a great big stop sign, heralding me to lose interest. Find a picture of a helicopter and study it!
2.The clouds. They move too fast. Also maybe try adding a little more detail to them.
*Running out of review space*
Let me make this brief. I want my words to help you, not berate you. Let me tell you, you're one step above me, because I don't have the patience to see my ideas through. I get distracted, frustrated, when I can't do something right. I wish I had more space to go into more detail, if you are reading this, which you should be, I would be more than happy to go over it in depth via PM.
I'm glad to get a review that will help me get better. First I will just where were you when I was doing senses and lines lol. What you said will really help and If you have anything that you would like to point out or anything the you think will help in any way it will be appreciated.
Nice episode, really looks interesting. I remember watching episode 1 like 2 months ago, which surprised me to see something on Newgrounds under judgement, titled "Gene 47 Episode 2". Nice episode, I look forwards to the future ones, keep up the good work.
thank you for watching
Verry interesting start.
I really like the concept. This seems like it could develop into a very interesting story. The art was above average and the sound all worked perfectly, and, though not many will care, you seemed to good a pretty good job with compression, keeping the filesize pretty low for such as long, sound heavy flash, and I respect that.
Overall, this was very well done and I look forward to seeing more. Would you mind PMing me when you release the next installment?
I do have one question, though: where's episode one? You don't have any other flash uploaded and this seems like the first part anyway...
Thank you for watching and the comment.
I would be glad to PM you. The first episode was the first flash I did ever so it was not that good and I did not have any voice actors so it was just bad so I removed it un tell I can get some voice's for it. But I have that comic of the first episode that I really like that you can read if you interested. Just click on the icon and go to my gallery
Wow. And I mean OW OW WOW, Shut, lip.
First off I loved your writing, your words very poetic, the effort shows. The animation as it stands isn't as bad as you think, there are alot worse submissions, everything was very fluid in motion, of course the drawings can be improved but still very good for someone who is still learning flash(or wat ever). The sound was the only problem I could really pick out, sometimes an effect would stomp over your voice. As for your narration it only degraded towards the end other then that it was very good, dramatic and cold, setting the mood, very nice. All the minor flaws aside this is Newgrounds Gold, I am looking forward to more of the same and hopfully you will continue to improve, wishing you much success. "Great job!"
Thank you so much for the comment and watching I will see what i can do with the sound thank you for the help
A short film about a park bench
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