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Uploaded
Apr 11, 2009 | 12:31 PM EDT

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Author Comments

This is something I had to do for school. I know its not over the top fantastic, but I have been away from Flash for a very long time so it was nice to get back to doing things again. This is a short story of a slightly fabricated nature, inspired by my own personal hell, the bank I work at. I hope it's worth a Ha or two.

Reviews


chumleyOFDOOMchumleyOFDOOM

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars April 11, 2009

Pretty Good

Great writing and voice acting, but the animation could've used a bit of work. Very good, though!



SlackmanSlackman

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars April 11, 2009

Pretty funny!

The writing on this short was pretty decent, so I'm not going to bother critiquing it.

What I will say is that your animation is VERY stiff, and kind of offputting because of it. Take for example when the guys walk, either of them. Their arms to swing at all, they just remain at their sides. There is very little movement in general in this short, which at some points acts as an advantage, but sometimes just comes off as lazy. The teller shouldn't be moving that much, he is calm, cool and collected, but the customer is getting more infuriated as the short goes on. Have some fun with this, maybe he runs his hand through his hair, clutches his fists, pounds on the desk a few times, shakes his fingers at the guy, grits his teeth... something really is necessary. As far as the teller, having him scratch his nose or something would add a lot, but isn't really necessary.

Lastly, the punch. This is the punchline of the entire short, so you've got to push it. If you want to keep it short and clean, that's fine. But make sure that this is the biggest punch physically possible. Have the teller swing back first and then hit the customer in the face. This is known as the anticipation. The bigger the punch, the bigger the laugh. You could add some blood, but I don't know if you'd morally be able to rate the short at mild violence anymore. If you wanted to take the joke further, the teller could hit the customer on the ground. It's not necessary, but it's the little extra touches, you know?

All in all you've got the right idea, but the execution could just use a little more fine tuning. Keep it up!


People find this review helpful!

GuardianGuardian

Rated 5 / 5 stars April 11, 2009

The moral of the story is...

You should be nice to those who serve you, we're human too!



annanasannanas

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars April 11, 2009

Awsome dude

Great animation and great message, you seem to be pretty good at flash :D
I really liked it, but the only thing that bothered me about it was how sharp their teeth where, maybe its just the fever I have at the moment but the teeth for both of the characters seemed a bit too sharp, also in your next submission please add a title picture, it makes the submission seem more professional :D

have a nice day and I hope this review was helpfull
Michal



Lordred565Lordred565

Rated 4 / 5 stars April 11, 2009

Good!

Everything was good. Would have made more sense if the customer would have said some more things to piss him off as it doesn't seem he didn't do much and the employ just had anger issues. But besides that it was nice.