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In accordance with the staff consensus of the organization known as the clock crew, we hereby sign into effect Clock Crew Staff Resolution 1321 giving additional hedonistic powers to the subject member of the administration, Slurpee Clock. These are granted with the intention that they be abused as much as possible and addressing our rampant staff corruption with increased satirical nastiness which shall in actuality be simply a caricature of the aforementioned administrative assistant gyrating while dressed as Michael Jackson from Thriller.