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Uploaded
Feb 21, 2009 | 12:21 PM EST

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Author Comments

Hello!
This is my first submission to the flash portal, but not my first flash. I have made many flashes but never get round to finishing them, any how this took 4 months to make, runs at 12fps (is that to low?) and is hopefully a good quality flash! I hope you all enjoy it as much as i did making it!
PIE

Reviews


TommyLMTommyLM

Rated 4 / 5 stars February 28, 2009

Pretty good!

I made a cartoon like this once..


PIED3 responds:

Thanks!


OliverOliver

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars February 21, 2009

I enjoyed this, alot.

The animation wasn't great, but the way the flash played out was what really got me to vote 5 on this. Good job! :D


PIED3 responds:

Glad you enjoyed it!


Huggy13earHuggy13ear

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars March 5, 2009

cool?

in your replay button should look something like this.

on(release){
gotoAndPlay();
stopAllSounds();
}


PIED3 responds:

Ah, thanks for that i was wondering how to stop the music. Cheers!


SlackmanSlackman

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars February 21, 2009

I like it!

I'll start off by saying that the title of this flash was awesome.

But that's not very helpful, is it? Plot itself worked fine, but if you're going to do a piece without dialogue, that's reliant on the action completely, you should definitely put emphasis on the characters. Have some fun with it. A lot of the time, particularly near the beginning, the main character's movements seemed a bit stiff and overly-tweened. This improved as the short went on, but it was still there.

But some of the movements could use some more observation. For example, watch a bird in flight. I've never seen them bob up and down while flying. Also, when the character gets up near the dumpster, take a little time and have some fun with it. The action seems to run into itself. Most people don't just push off and wind up on their feet. Maybe have him get to his knees first or something like that? Maybe he could grab his head for a moment and steady himself or wipe off the dirt? Something needs to be in there to make it seem more natural.

Finally, 12 frames per second isn't bad. It's the minimum for the human eye to perceive movement. Most animation (at least traditionally), is shot at 24 frames per second, but each frame is shot twice, so it essentially runs by at 12 FPS.

Anyway, good job! I can't wait to see what you come up with in the future.


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PIED3 responds:

I see exactly what you mean about the animation, Ill and spend more time on it next time, and thankyou for the long and detailed review!


xoTqoNiGHTSopToxxoTqoNiGHTSopTox

Rated 3 / 5 stars February 21, 2009

Meaty Ham"bird"er.

I welcome you to the Newgrounds Flash Portal - thanks for your first submission.

Your flash is a somewhat generic chase of a bird who has stolen a man's burger from his hands outside McDonalds. The length itself {for a very first submission} is above average and there are a number of individual aspects in which I found myself amused.
Firstly it wasn't that predictable. You built up the fresh idea of the rooftops and the obstacles which added some creditable depth. The beginning however was too long; I did not look forward to the long stare at the McDonalds sign before the action began although I respect you may have been trying to build up the atmosphere. It could still be longer, but your flash isn't too short and that is praiseworthy.

The graphics were not very amateur, although the man was drawn out of proportion. He was not realistic looking, largely because of his almost stick like body and undersized head; however the environmental details are nice. The backgrounds are creative and you must have made some reasonable amount of effort to draw the apartments and shops. The animation was not particularly choppy so well done for making it smooth frame by frame. There are a number of details too such as clouds, bricks in walls and black dots on the bird's wings. These are all nice touches and there is not much more you could have added without making it look cluttered.

The music was odd but I don't imply a negative connotation. I found the energetic piece rather humorous and the quality of the audio was decent. If you're trying to make it funny and lively without being too serious then the choice of music suits it well. I really recommend you consider adding sound effects through; silent films are okay but you can really bring the flash to life with a brilliant composition of sounds that spice up the experience. Feel free to experiment with sounds {you can use Freecoder to steal off YouTube - search Google for Freecoder} or make your own using a microphone.

This flash is very good for a first submission and quite good for the standard of Newgrounds. I have watched this a few times because there's enough in it to make me forget what has happened. What you need to do is expand on your ideas and develop a style of work and become persistent in making it long and entertaining. We really enjoy watching submissions where the author has made considerable effort to piece together something spectacular. You're not at this level yet but there is some promise. Make the drawings of the characters neater while continuing to add the details that you've shown you are capable of creating, and I'll be happy to watch and review your work in the future - send me a PM if you wish.

xoTqoNiGHTSopTox

* * * * * * {6 - 10} *Decent*


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PIED3 responds:

Thankyou very much for the long review! Ill take the things you said into account for my next flash, thanks!