Unfinished work

Alright, let's see what we've got here - I've just sat through fifteen minutes of this and it is certainly a well written piece, that draws attention to various issues and I can see that your research may have been conducted across a wide range of films of this nature.

As for what needs to be done, you have a longer list than I'd expect from a piece that is this well written. Start by having the grammar checked. The opening line, for example should be "people that dress up for their own funeral." You don't take your clothes with you and get changed when you're at the church, after all.

On the preloader, you've got the start screen, but no button to get you to the menu. That needs to be fixed, as it's unnecessary to get viewers to right click and press play.

The piece takes a while to get going, as it's very quiet and setting the scene, while it may take a while, could be edited down for time. You're not bad at tracing, but the drawing aspect needs to be worked on, as it lets the writing down.

The voices are very hit and miss, as it seems that from your three voice actors, at least one of them doesn't have a professional microphone, so we end up with poor quality volume settings and the occasional static crackle over the recording, which is a rookie mistake, to be frank. I understand that these actors might be your friends, but there are plenty of Voice Actors out there, just have a search on the Audio Forum. I might even be able to supply some, if you were interested.

On the final phone call made to the guy in the office, you can see a glimmer of the scene beneath the subtitles bar - sorting that out is not a major issue that you need to sort, but it is something that just needs to be tidied up to give a more professional finish.

I know that it seems like a pretty damning verdict and a piece that has won a daily second place award shouldn't be scoring so lowly on a review, but a small catalogue of niggling difficulties can make a huge impact on the enjoyment of the piece overall. I will watch the second one and if this goes even further than just these two parts, when you've improved your animating skills, you might want to come back and remake the animations to cope with your new skill levels.

Best of luck.

[Review Request Club]

Very good

This is a very good animation and the effort you put into this really shows. I'm giving you a 10 for the overall animation, but I did find a lot of room for improvement which I will outline and I hope you consider for future works. Before I do so, I will let you know that this is fantastic. I'm glad it's very long and that the story is good. The animation is for the most part great. Everything is very distinguishable and the story makes sense and is for the most part easy to follow. I'm giving you a 10 based on the fact that you had this idea, and really followed through very well. The subtitles were a great addition and made it very easy to follow along with the story and in case you couldn't hear anything (I didn't have this issue) you would be able to read along.

As far as room for improvement, I see a lot also. The voice acting wasn't exactly professional. Although the voices were very clear and easy to understand, they seemed to lack the emotion and character depth I would expect for a movie of this type. I would suggest getting really into character for future works and trying to feel the emotions that the character would feel if you were in that situation, as it seemed devoid of that in multiple places.

The drawings were decent for the work. I could understand what was going on totally, but obviously there was some parts that didn't look as pleasing as they could. I think you could have spend more time on them, or drawn some things a bit better.

Other than that, the story was really good, and I enjoyed watching this. The effort paid off and really produced a nice piece. I liked the humor you added into this as well. It was a great relief from the story and pretty funny also. I hope that you keep it up and just make some minor improvements for the better because you have tons of potential. Keep up the good work!!

Dreadful.

Voice acting was awful. The plot is a joke..hated this in its entirety. It was like a really, really bad version of LA Confidential, with a plot more improbable than the worst Bond movie, and about as convincing. White Shadow? Now I don't know why anyone name it something so incredibly stupid, but next time, try to give it a name that makes a lick of sense. Like, one that means something, and isn't just designed to sound cool, or threatening, or whatever that name is supposed to be. It just sounds like...like you wanted a name that sounded cool or threatening.

I hope Volume Two is better...but I suppose it couldn't really be worse, could it now.

Nice work

White Shadow, eh? Nice name. Your villians are cold-hearted with voices to match, nice work.

nice job!

great work!