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Uploaded
Dec 6, 2008 | 3:05 PM EST

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Author Comments

This is my very first Newgrounds submission! I've always wanted to do this, and I finally have done it! Now I'm not expecting really good reviews, but negative reviews aren't welcomed. I'd love some constructive criticism however, so that the next time I present a flash video, it shall be even better than the first.

Reviews


Xin02Xin02

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Not bad.

Straight up, its better than what I could do.
However, Ill tell you what I liked. The slight buildup of story was cool. The song in the background was different, but reminded me of Cowboy Bebop a bit, so that was also cool. The sounds were pretty sweet.
But as for the animation, it needs a little more work, as im sure you kno, since this is just your first one.
Tip for the future. Dont be afraid to be inspired by DBZ, cuz 90% of the stuff on NG is, but try to make a new story line, somthing we have not seen before, and youll make front page in no time.



Supman914Supman914

Rated 3 / 5 stars

Nice 4 a first

That was pretty good but it needs a background but other than that great check out my stick riot flash



Megaman250Megaman250

Rated 4 / 5 stars

nice job for a first try

This is good for a first try at flash (or for a Newgrounds submission) trust me, I've seen MUCH worse then this



smirkstudiossmirkstudios

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

not bad

well i've got to say, you have a good attitude for what you want in a review. i can help you there. this is not bad, but you will definately want to improve your smootheness and comfortableness with what you are drawing. this has a very sketchy feel to it. i could tell you worked hard on it, tho, it's just that for your next one, make sure you use your border better to your advantage for the effects your are presenting, and smoothe out your lines. maybe even do some practice shots that you dont upload here, just do them to become comfortable with your style and with the characters you are drawing. cool stuff, tho, i cant wait for your next one!



ZainaZaina

Rated 1 / 5 stars

Eh...

I'd recommend practicing a little more next time cause this wasn't very good.
Ill tell you some of the reason why I think that.

1. Use onion skin. I know that you aren't because your FBF isn't nice. FBF has to go smoothly to look good, one frame should at least look a bit like the next.

2. Have a background. A background can do a lot for an animation. A plane white background made me lose interest the moment i saw it.

3. Make it pretty. The "magic" consisted of just for example a purple ball with white lines it it. Add some glow, blurred lines, anything as long as you make it pretty.

4. Keep the proportions right. One moment the black stick had normal length arms then all of a sudden when he blocked an attack he had these abnormal rubber arms that were bigger then the ones before.

5. Make boundaries. I hate it when people use the edge of the animation as a wall. And you didn't even have any ground!

6. Make your own style. I wouldn't advise you to use a style like for example DBZ. Make up your own super modes and spells and stuff.

7. Clean it up. I saw random dots and lines several times and it doesn't look good. You should erase anything that doesn't look right. And use layers cause some times it looks like you didn't. And if your making the entire screen a specific color, make sure you fill the entire screen.

Well anyways you should keep practicing on stick figures, its good practice for certain moves and such. But you should look through you animation and see if your satisfied, or better yet, have someone else look through it before you submit it to Newground or any other site. Use more effects though, like shaking the entire screen and glow and such. If you don't know what anything I just said to you is, check out some tutorials on the web. There are tons of em, stretching out over almost everything. Well good luck on your future animating career. :)