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Uploaded
Aug 15, 2008 | 7:11 PM EDT

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Author Comments

Update: Sorry about the error with having the same poem twice, that will be resolved as soon as posible.

This is my 5th flash and I would like to think first truly finished flash. I have spent a lot of time learning, and I think bettering my flash which has allowed me to create a much more user friendly set up. Please enjoy a revisit to my first 3 poems ever written.

There is a stop audio but there is not a start audio so if you want to have the music back you have to go back tothe home page.

More of my poetry (BETTER POEMS) at www.poeticallyyours.com

Reviews


phantomlassukphantomlassuk

Rated 4 / 5 stars August 30, 2008

Poems are powerful

The poems are strong and the, subject matter child abuse?. Not easy reading but i felt that this is poetry with meaning.

Graphics. 8/10 The simple grey layout was a wonderful touch, to such bitter sweet poems. The buttons are nice the text looks, good easy to read. The writing is nice the words are emotional . The bonus poems are good, i liked the bunny strong stuff.

Sound.8/10 I was moved by the sounds and the music, fitted the poems well. A Distant Journey, by hzlancer was a stunning song. Sung with such feeling of ,and sorrow. The other So Is Life and Burden. All fitted nicely although short ,in the narrative of the poems. Moved me short but ,captured the feelings.

The poems are powerful the stories are all the same right? The Crime about the boy Rex ,Forsaken Child, and finally Figurative Hunger. Based on the book Glass Castle, by Jeanette Walls. Out of them all i felt Figurative Hunger ,was the strongest. Maybe with the hand and the kitthchen piece. All moved me the words are moving. Man an alcoholic because of his child abuse mother, touching him in wrong ways. I tried to undertand the words ,and i feel the poems are easy to get. If you read them a few times. I have heard of the latter ones. I really enjoyed looking ,through and learning.

Little mixed up at times as to the order the buttons are good. Although turing off the sound it would have been, nice to have it on again. Was the last one the same?. The bonus poems are good. The words are great why the repeating, poem an error shame it made me confused.

Overeall a little muddled at times, but poems made up for it.

review request club


SprintT responds:

You have a great eye for detail, and write great reviews. Thank you.

I do plan to have the repeating poem fixed here as soon as I dig up the file. The button system in effect is being scraped for a much more simple one that will also give the watcher more control at the same time. Also those were my first 3 poems I ever wrote to be honest and them going together was not planned. My work since is better in my opinion.

Keep an eye out.


CoopCoop

Rated 3 / 5 stars August 29, 2008

Hmm

Not doubting the skills that you have as a poet, I still think that you've chosen the wrong approach to it all. I've written short stories and with a little tweak from Flash and a soundtrack, I could submit these stories here. It doesn't work.

What I would do to address that issue however, is to get a microphone. Read the poems out how you feel that they should sound, which gives you so much more to present to people.

With the style of background a little shadow play would help to put the listener into a real mind of the setting and would deliver a whole new dimension or two to your skills as an artist.

Keep working at it, there are a lot of positives to draw from your writing skills.

[Review Request Club]


SprintT responds:

Thank you mate, and I am sure that if you look at my previous this is 1000% better XD
I am slowly working twards using my 2 microphones but that will come later (maybe in the next idk)


FroFro

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars August 28, 2008

Not bad.

* Side Note - This is the fucking second time I wrote this review because the last time I did I accidenlty pushed the back button on my keyboard and my entire review was deleted before I finished it. It actually took me quite awhile to write it too. >:( Also, I do not enjoy poetry, but I don't review flashes on whether I like the subject or not, since I don't find that fair. Rather, I will review the flash on it's quality.

Animation/Graphics - While there wasn't any animation in your flash I'm sure I can still find some stuff to review about. The menu itself wasn't very organized and the background was boring. If this was improved on then my rating for the flash would probably go up another point or even two. I think they need to be put into columns and you need to look for a background like you had in the poems themselves.

Story - I only read the entirety of one poem because like I said before poetry really isn't my favorite thing in the world. The text was fine and the words were easy to read. The file size was huge also, did you compress the audio? If you didn't then compressing the audio might cut the file size in half maybe even more.

Audio - While the music went perfectly with the poems, I really didn't enjoy the button to shut the music off for one reason. While you could shut it off there was no button to turn them back on. I looked around for one and read your directions and there didn't seem to be one. I think that would be a good contribution to this flash also.

Overall, pretty much work on the menu and maybe add that button for the audio that I suggested. Good job.

C52

~ Review Request Club ~


SprintT responds:

Thank you for the advise, and please stay tunned. The menu will be revamped and so in the control pannel. Also there will be compressed audio so I can have more content.


HaggardHaggard

Rated 4 / 5 stars August 27, 2008

\m/

The presentation of the poems is nice, but it's something to get used to, as it is a bit confusing at first.

The choice of audio was great and the music fitted the poems very well. You should have compressed the songs a bit more though, to reduce the file size and the loading time.

I noticed that "The Crime" and "The Forsaken Child" are the same poems, only with different music. Was that intentional?

Also, you should have made the link to your site in the preloader clickable. That way the viewer doesn't have to type in the adress manually.

{ Review Request Club }


SprintT responds:

Now I feel silly! That was not intentional, and probably happened when I reloaded to fix another issue. I will get the changed here ASAP! Also thankyou.


MarsupialMarsupial

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars August 25, 2008

done well

the menu was ok but a bit dull, the audio was good, the backgrounds were ok, the poems were good and the flash took a suprisingly long time to load heh.

not much else i can say about this but well done still

7/10

Marsupial

RRC


SprintT responds:

Thank you, and I will work on making the menu more sexy :D
It took a while due to the full songs that I loaded (8.8MB)