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Uploaded
Aug 15, 2008 | 2:04 PM EDT

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Author Comments

I am a genius.

^CONTROLS^

Space to jump. hold space to do an awesome NINJA SPIN.
Press CTRL to shoot your salad gun.
Use the arrow keys to walk.

Please do not take this game seriously. It is meant to be a game that makes you laugh. The graphics are supposed to be the way they are, because I can't draw any better lol. I started this game when I was 14, and finished it at the age of 15. It took me about a year and a half to make because i knew nothing about Flash. about 1000 lines of coding and some final adjusments later, I finally finished it. My FIRST GAME EVER WAS FINALLY COMPLETED! HUZZA!

But then some angry gerbils came to my house later that night and stole it from me. I awoke with a huge psychopathic frown upon my face. I started screaming and hollering and jabbing things into my wall. *I never have been able to find my cat since this indecent* Then I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door and found myself staring face to face with the most hideous looking child I have ever seen in my life. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" I screamed at the child. She just stared at me for like 5 freaking hours so I grabbed the nearest toaster and threw it at her. So now I find my self with a torn up house, no toast because the toaster is broken, and without a flash game that I have worked on for over a year. Well thats just great.

So I turned on the T.V. to see if anything worth watching was on. AND THERE I SAW IT. My flash game in all its glory. It was in a commercial with one of the evil hippos.. er.. gerbils? Yeah gerbils. It was on the T.V. with one of those evil gerbils carrying it saying BUY NOW!!! At this point I am not sure what happened... I sort of jumped out of my chair and flew through the ceiling. Well anyway the room turned blue and I jumped out of my window and ran like a maniac through town.

So I ran through town and knocked over 50 fruit stands, because that sort of thing has to happen if you run through town like a maniac, and then hurled myself into the nearest hardware store to get some weapons of mass destruction. Like a chainsaw. I grabbed a chainsaw and ripped some people to shreds because I was bored, and then I ran out of the store to see if I could find the evil gorillas that stole my game.

I sat next to a McCrapalds with a look on my face that told anyone who came near me, "I want to devour your children and throw you in a meat grinder". Just then, an extremley ugly old man came up and threw some holy water on me. I stood up, looked in his general direction, and then snapped his arms off. "Well that wasn't very nice," he said to me with a sad face. I responded with ripping both his legs off. So now I am sitting next to a McCrapolds with a frown upon my face that says, "I hate everyone and hope you die in a fire," with a torso of a very ugly old man next to me. The old man couldn't really go anywhere, so he just started talking about his grand children.

It just so happened that his grand children were the evil kamikaze flying giraffes that stole my game! I screamed in his face, "WHERE DO THEY LIVE?!" He told me they lived somewhere in Nevada. So I ripped off his head and thanked the old fart for his information. I then attacked the nearest pedestrian and stole his clothes for no apparent reason. With these clothes in my hand and a look of eagerness upon my face, I took ran off to Nevada.

Want to know how I got my game back? I'LL TELL YOU LATER. Play the game already! >:U

Reviews


DarkForRealDarkForReal

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

My expired potato chips fell into the keyboard and I can't get 'em XO.... time for me to start rampaging through the city >:B



SatansGirl666SatansGirl666

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

lolz :P

lol the reading thing when the game loads made me chuckle, i got up before i even clicked on the game to get 3 cheese sticks, i luv cheese :D but the game is ok but the death is just weird



DoodleNoodle26DoodleNoodle26

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Meh

It wasn't fun, but i was like OH MAH GOSH when i noticed you were being, r u ready? somthin about poo.



ilikepoo3000ilikepoo3000

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Great..not really, but you're story deserves an 8!

This game is absolutely terrible, funny, but terrible. Now, for a 14 year old, this game is absolutely phenomenal, I'm 14 and no way could I produce this, the most I can do with a computer is retard stuff, CMD, and a little pivot LMFAO. I liked the humor especially the dying audio ha I really laughed a bit when that happened so congratulations. Good game, I bet when you look back you think "wow, I was pretty dumb huh..." and that's completely true! :D
-Lil Ryder
P.S.- I'm looking forward to see if you really do REPLY TO ALL COMMENTS :)


FatKidWitAJetPak responds:

I really do reply to all comments. At least, I did three years ago. I look at this game a lot now and laugh... and then I cry a bit. Thanks for playing. :D


ArmageddonCielArmageddonCiel

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Funny and addicting

I mean, like, yeah this game is a crappy bunch of shit, But sometimes I enjoys random shits. Also, finally I can find someone who is "keyboard-talkative". I don't know how long it took you to type that whole paragraph. Oh, this is getting boring. I might as well end the review now. But, ALAS, no. You can skip all the blabber and read my real review which I included so that M-bot cannot get me. Yeah, somehow the long block of text made quite an impression that this is going to be awesome. But I might cite TheBigVerdict's review, well, because he is The Big Verdict.
"Okay, the game itself is a total mess, and you know this. First, I love the very very original concept. You don't run across flashes with such a blunt and frankly silly loading screen and intro, also fat enemies with exhaust pipes sticking through their buttocks. They would seem like a chore to read, but for those who do would find themselves laughing. Music is average, but well placed nonetheless, especially the sound played after you die. Now to the flaws--the loading time is long. The rest? You know what I mean. All the graphics and stiff animation and other things I might not need to tell you.

Very good attempt. The flash itself is poorly done, but the potential of a 14-year old artist needs grinding and you may get a 5/5 soon enough. The big verdict is a 3/10, disappointing funny flash."

Yup, that's the ultimate, final, greatest, biggest verdict of this flash...
NAY! I will not shut up and review your flash soon, it's still 2574 letters to go anyways. Now, what should we talk about, maybe the 100 kittens? You might be able to find that much kittens if you collected enough from the dumpster, adopted enough from the agency, who knows? You might get 100 kittens in one hour. As for the cannon you should borrow some from the circus, because using real cannons launching kittens is NOT COOL AT ALL.
All right. Let's review this thing.
Pro:
Humour : As much as I hate to admit it, I'm a review cheater, so here's +6 to you
Gameplay: Pretty much average platformer but I like it so +2
Art : Neutral +0
Con:
Art : Actually, the art sucks -1
Fat file : Seriously, how the heck did you manage to get it that big? Don't tell me the texts are responsible for this -1


FatKidWitAJetPak responds:

I will look forward to our kitten adventures.