Is your penis outdated? Is it obsolete? Can it just not compete in today's global economy? We here at peniscorp have developed the MOST CUTTING EDGE penis available. Penis 3.4 is the future of penile functions. You will save so much time with your upgraded penis version 3.4. Your productivity on the job will triple, your personal life will fluorish, and your family will love all the extras.
Endorsed by all the popular celebrities, Penis 3.4 is the next wave of phallus fun. Before he died of a terrible sleeping pill overdose, our finest beta-tester for penis 3.4 was Heath Ledger, star of the new Batman movie. Barry Bonds is another penis enthusiast as he used penis 3.4 to earn America's hatred. Bon Jovi once declared penis 3.4 as "amazing." Hideo Kojima was using penis 3.4 when he designed the Metal Gear Solid 4 finale. Cedric Bixler-Zavala snorted 5 lines of cocaine on his penis 3.4 and then wrote an entire symphony using just his foreskin. Claudio Sanchez performed a dirty sanchez while simply installing his new penis. Tiger Woods shot 5 holes in one with his penis 3.4 as a club while tripping acid. Daniel Day-Lewis won the first annual viagra oscar for his penis' performance in THERE WILL BE SEMEN.
Just look at the numbers! Normal penises are only version 1.0, and 2.0 if your genetics and racial characteristics have won the gene lottery. With penis 3.4, strength, durability and most importantly, prominence all increase an average of 56 points on the dewey decimal system. Here is what our customers have to say!
Tom A Green from Ontario writes, "My penis just worked a lot better, dude."
Dan Weisman from LA writes, "Before penis 3.4, my penis just wanted to cite the torah all the time. Now I'm the one fucking with the law!!"
Jonathan Meadowcroft of London writes, "My bloody penis just kept bleedin' all the time! Well, I put a fuckin' band-aid on it. Then, I upgraded it and shit."
If that isn't enough evidence to convince you that your penis needs upgrading, then please stay tuned for the next hour as we guide you through the fantastic world that is penis 3.4!