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TheBrokenAndTheBeatenFull

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rated 2.67 / 5 stars
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Credits & Info

Uploaded
May 4, 2008 | 5:32 AM EDT

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Author Comments

I drew the border myself. So heh. Also remember, This isn't a game, It's a story...i just couldn't seem to find the appropriate place for it. To read it you scroll inside the window. Also the story and the drawings are my full work, the Flash itself was created by Marco Caprani , he also picked the song for it. So that part of the credit goes to him.

Thank you for reading,
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

P.S. Comments are welcome.

Reviews


FullMetalPenguinFullMetalPenguin

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Very good!

Beatiful some what tragic and sad ending. Keep up your work.



terra17terra17

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Good story

It's a good story, but since it isn't a movie or a game I'd suggest that there must be somewhere else you can put it to really get the feedback you need to make it better.



Lostinspace796Lostinspace796

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Great work

finnaly got to read the enitre thing haha ive been waiting to see it haha, really enjoyed it the music went great with it also. keep up your story writeing hope to see more sometime =] once it said she had the sharp pain i thought you killed Elly...or you did and i just read wrong but i was like noo you killed her lol.

great work with the writing.


DestinedForDisaster responds:

It may not be as obvious as i thought, But yes she did die at the end, He shot her. But i didn't want it to be all tragic so the ending was somewhat peaceful.


PolyBlasterPolyBlaster

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Good story

This is gonna get flamed because it's just a white sheet with smilies and hearts, and a story on it. I'm not gonna flame it, I'm gonna review it for what it is, not for what everyone else thinks it should be.

The story was well written, although there was one factual mistake: You cannot survive without water for more than 24 hours (In some cases longer, but this is the standard), and you wrote that Elly sometimes would not be given water and food for DAYS. Minor mistake.
The drawings on the line of the text shouldn't have been there, in my opinion. Or they should have been better made. I know that they're supposed to give a certain "feeling" (Or something, w/e). I found them distractions as I was reading the text.
Music was beautiful and suited the story really well. Good choice.
Keep writing, although you'd may wanna use the forums instead, as this is not what people are looking for in the portal. GJ.


People find this review helpful!
DestinedForDisaster responds:

Thank you for correcting that mistake. I'm not really up for editing this story again though. This is actually the first story i have finished in years, Most of them end up being deleted or just thrown somewhere. The drawings were put there because of a viewer from the old entry when i only had half the story up. They requested that it should have more 'eye candy' for the viewers so we decided to throw in a border. And so far, This seems to be fairly welcomed into the portal. I just think it's better to have a flash story so you can make it a bit more interesting instead of just throwing it inside a forum that many people will overlook. But, Thank you for your review.


SavinhoSavinho

Rated 5 / 5 stars

beautiful and yet so sad...

That was most touching and saddest story I ever heard before... It made me cry :'(


DestinedForDisaster responds:

I am so glad you liked it.