Score: 9

"Great story, awsome drawings, but....."

by: DrawingAngel

date: August 19, 2008

The best part about your work is the storyline and the drawing! I was hooked onto the plot when I saw the trailer for this episode. I saw that it had the potential to become a great series! Especially with your very talented drawing skills, BUT I have to point out one thing. The only part that disappointed me was using pictures of cities to have as your background at the beginning of the episode! It through me off a bit because the background would switch from a fully drawn out background to a picture from a website ( I'm assuming ). Other than that I got really into it and it holds my interest. I can't wait until the next installment :D ! Keep up the good work !

Score: 5

"If you want to tell a story..."

by: crystorian

date: April 19, 2008

Tell a story. All in all, the actual story in this episode, is only about 1/3 of the flash.

1. Starting a story with an extended exposition - lazy and unforgivable. If you have to tell a backstory, make it a seperate flash or an optional chapter. Any information you can't get out while advancing the main plot doesn't need to be in there.
2. Using a long flashback for your character development before you've really advanced the plot - very naughty. Try getting that information out with dialogue, inner monologues, and such.

Right nice and pretty, though. You just need some work making the storytelling interesting.

Score: 10

"holy crap monkeys!!!"

by: doondeka

date: April 18, 2008

thats awsome>_<

Score: 6

"nice story"

by: Loathsome

date: April 18, 2008

It's a really nice story you have there, and long too.

The animation was decent, I think you should do less tween and more fbf though. It looks cheap with just tween. Fbf sure will be more work but it's worth it.

But I can see you put effort into this and of course you get credit for that. Minus 4 for the animation though, you could do better on that part.

Score: 10

"Nice"

by: Greenbottle48

date: April 18, 2008

Love the story and action. Look forward to your next submissions :D