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Uploaded
Jan 7, 2008 | 5:22 PM EST

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Author Comments

!READ THIS BEFORE PLAYING THE MOVIE, PLEASE!

First off: There are "spelling mistakes" in the poem, but they are there for a reason, so don't point them out in the reviews, please.

Second: If you don't like poems, then I heartily recommend you go watch another flash, since you'll probably become bored (unless you like pirates and ninjas).

Third: If you think this poem is good (and different) enough, please submit it to the "Experimental" flash collection.

Fourth: Please don't use the right click menu to "Play" and "Forward", as that'll only mess up the poem and you'll be forced to re-open the movie. And if you don't like the narration, don't forget you can switch it off at the main menu.

Lastly: Try out different answers, since the poem has paths that are very different one from another (some more serious, others more humorous). And, above all, enjoy (hopefully).

Oh, and I'll respond to every review, so please feel free to leave them, I greatly appreciate feedback!

Reviews


CM2112CM2112

Rated 4 / 5 stars May 1, 2014

Hey, I just finished a few of the endings and there are some points I would like to say, the other reviews seem to display them but I'll just restate what I think are fixable points to me.

CONS
>The slides could use more details
>Some of the rhymes came out quite weird

PROS
>I love the concept of choosing how a poem starts and goes by clicking various choices. Its like a personality test, but through a poem.

MY RECOMMENDATIONS
>I think adding some design for the background would help brighten up the game and lessen the boredom (I'm not saying I got bored, but others do)
>Maybe applying some short classical or acoustic tunes that match the mood of a stanza would be great (there should be an option to turn it on/off too)
>I think making the poems a bit simple but clever, and using a quatrain method would be much more focused and effective in the poem more casual but also exiting . A variation of quatrain and couplet might do too.
>I think a notepad background would be nice, just keep the font clear and simple. If not then I think the frame of the slides could just need some more design

Overall, I enjoy the concept of this game! It just make me want to finish other ending somehow
I gave 4 stars mostly for the idea, cause the game could do more improvements :D

I love writing poems myself! There's this essence and thrill in poem writing that I really enjoy and treasure. If you want, I would love to help you improving this game. I have ample time on my hands and helping a game like this would be a joy and great experience. You can go to this address: http://www.poemhunter.com/chad-martin-natividad/ and check out some of my own poems that I have happened to post there. Please consider my help if you do plan to continue improving this game. Just pm me anytime! Thanks and great game :D


Vert responds:

Thanks, all these tips are very helpful. You're spot-on on what needs to be done, particularly in terms of visual design, and I like you're suggestion of using a different stanza for it, that might help. I was a bit too loose with it in my case, and I'm not sure if that didn't hamper me in the end...

Alas that I don't possess the patience or time to attempt improvements right now... but I'll keep you're offer in mind, especially if you know how to work with flash and visual design. And I'd encourage you to keep creating more poems; A Scar Out Of Love is a delightful piece, that grows logically, but oh so satisfactorily...


KwingKwing

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars February 26, 2014

I'll give you half marks because the idea is cool. The aesthetics could have been improved without any real skill - use a bright color and a decorative font on a dark background to make it look artsy, really that would have been enough, maybe tween a block uncovering the text to give it a simple animation? The simplest tricks would have brought this miles ahead.

As far as the poem goes, it's really not great. I tried a few and they're kind of dull. The rhymes are not particularly clever and seem contrived, plus your rhyme scheme is exclusively in couplets. If I were you, I'd piece together a bunch of words that rhyme and make it such that rather than take entire couplets and paste them together, individual lines with common rhymes would be stuck together. Maybe that's what you did but it didn't seem like it.


Vert responds:

Incisive and very much to the point, I couldn't agree more with you on the first paragraph, but that sort of aesthetics issue has always been a weak point for me, which is why, for future projects, I'll make sure to have someone on board to take care of these things.

As for the poem itself, fair points, I guess I wasn't ambitious enough with the sort of rhyming structure I used, partly this was because it was already quite hard to tell a branching story like that within the confines of what I did, but that's a poor excuse really. I wouldn't go so far as to calling it boring, I'd have thought that the stories themselves were good enough to compensate for that, but it's a very fair critique to make.

I do hope to at some point give this a go again, with a new poem and new choices, although the bar has been raised quite highly, thanks to 'Relive Your Life' (which is quite close to what I wanted to do originally).

Many thanks for the feedback, greatly appreciate it.


MurexMurex

Rated 3 / 5 stars April 8, 2013

Your idea is awesome--a poem which players can build themselves is a great idea. My only complaint is that the poem wasn't really to my taste. Still, kudos to you for making this,


Vert responds:

Thanks for the support! It's very encouraging and makes me want to go out and redo this again... ^_^


NegatoryHiatusNegatoryHiatus

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars July 29, 2011

No...just no. Practice more.

It just seems effortless. Like 20 minutes put it into nothing. I hate to be rude and blunt like that, but it's my opinion. Everyone rating 8's and stuff, I don't get how. People who play games now are just so bland with their tastes. I'm sorry, but how in the WORLD could one be entertained by such crap? That's what it is. I mean, looks like you just threw Ariel text, or Times New Roman text on Bold big letters for choices, and got the pictures off of google. I mean that shoes no true devotion into making your game an actual piece of art.

Those who enjoyed this game, kudos to you because I know I didn't. I did pick "different" answers but it was still boring. Same old british man with those tired poems. It's just not a good game. I'm sorry. Keep practicing though.


Vert responds:

Well, I'm very much aware that the aesthetics of the movie are very poor, simply because I lack any skills in that area and I do not and did not have the time to focus on improving such skills. It looks poor, I agree completely, which is why, if I ever have the time and willingness to make further such poems, I'll make sure to have someone on board to make the presentation more interesting and professional.

However, I should point out two things: firstly, you're seriously underestimating the time and effort that it took for me to actually write the poem, as you probably don't realize that because it has a branching nature, it's much harder to write than with a linear poem; secondly, the focus was always meant to be on the poem itself and giving people choices, the aesthetics, while important, weren't that important.

That said, if you thought the poem itself was boring, than I did fail in the most important step of all...

Actually, now that I think about it, that raises the question of whether just presenting the words, without anything else, would have been better, given my confessed lack of skills in that area. Hmmm...

Finally, although I agree with your criticisms, you could have made an effort into presenting ways I could improve my flash.


ShanusShanus

Rated 4 / 5 stars June 8, 2008

Excellent

An excellent idea, with a little polishing needed to be done

Graphically it wasn't that impressive at all. You need to work on your presentation alot more. The jpegs were also a little grainy, it just didn't look that pretty.

The audio was good, well the end voice part. Nicely recorded with only minimum crackling. Would've liked to see some backing track to the whole thing though. Would've filled in some gaps.

Overall I though this was a pretty innovate game all together, that's why I scored it so high, but it could've been so much better, with minimal adjustments. But good start

=Review Request Club=


People find this review helpful!
Vert responds:

Hum, you think that adding a backing track could improve the movie? That's an interesting sugestion, but it seems a somewhat risky one, because if the music is too loud or "interesting", it could take the focus away from the poem. There's also the issue of what single piece of music (after all, I'd probably need to use a single music, as changing the song would be pretty distracting) would fit a poem like this, that has so many diferent styles.
Still, it's something that I hadn't thought of, so thanks for the sugestion. And the compliments and the review!