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TVotJ Prelude -v1-

Score:
rated 2.18 / 5 stars
Views:
1,908 Views
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Credits & Info

Uploaded
Nov 14, 2007 | 10:20 PM EST

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Author Comments

This is a first Flash submission, and the first Flash movie I ever actually completed. I decided I needed to buckle down and make a kinda crappy flash using lots of shortcuts or else I'd never get one done. Now I have this, which I figure I can get some feedback on.

It's about 3 minutes long if I remember right. Now I know this movie needs a lot of work and I hope to fix it sometime. A short list of problems:
-voiceover: I have a slight cold and am way too close to my mike.
-sounds need to be sync'ed much betterwith the visuals.
-art needs to be improved.
-self-pity and self-promotion need to be removed from final text.
-etc, etc.

These things said, I welcome [constructive] criticism as well as [polite] expressions of interest or disinterest. I mean, I want to tell my story, sure, but it'd be nice if people also wanted to listen. ^^

This story tells the vague background of a group of characters I made up in a d20 ruleset. If I have the time (unlikely), I would love to make the whole thing into a Flash series. I don't want to get into the complete business about it, I'm really kinda new to my NG membership. More information about all of these things can be found in my dA account:

iyp080284.deviantart.com

The movie itself is also posted on dA under my alternate acct there, along with some other art related to this series:

fictionmule.deviantart.co m/art/TVotJ-Prelude-v1-69 826727

Look forward to working with ya.
-Ted

Reviews


DJHell07DJHell07

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

nice

nice story dude i liked it keep working.. where did you say the concept came from??



EsraelEsrael

Rated 2 / 5 stars

Potentially a good flash

It wasn't that bad for one's first flash. As you pointed out, the voice needs fixing. It needs to be clearer. And the thing I would have really liked, is some kind of subtle background music while you tell the (quite interesting) story. It would really increase the density of the atmosphere.

You've got potential. Keep improving! ;)


caspar8284 responds:

I appreciate your comment. An associate of mine also mentioned these issues, it should be a simple thing to improve the audio. Thanks also for your supportive attitude. )


wueyeweqwueyeweq

Rated 0.5 / 5 stars

Uhhhh

Stick with your photographs I should say.

Newgrounds is pretty forgiving when it comes to.... generic... stories as long as you put effort into your work.
This clearly has no effort put into it.
Not only is there basically no animation, but the drawing is also horrible.
It's hard to say this without being offensive, but quite small children by my reckoning could do much better than the drawing you've slopped onto this flash.

Even if you had a story that wasn't the same as pretty much every second flash around this place people still wouldn't pay attention it because of how bad it looks.


People find this review helpful!
caspar8284 responds:

Agree:
-Seems to have little effort put into it.
-Needs more animation.
-Drawing horrible.
-Small children, probably better.
-Story superficially, or possibly genuinely, similar to many others. I mean, how many apocalypses do we have to put up with?
-Once again, looks bad. A friend of mine in particular noted the presence of "poop with stars."

Disagree:
-Actually did take me a bit of time and effort. Not something to brag about I suppose. Primarily this is a "trying to draw with the mouse" problem.

Helpful review. The general tone of response shows me that I do need to put out better quality work. Thanks for the commentary and thanks for keeping it civil.


TrundleBocksTrundleBocks

Rated 0 / 5 stars

Ergh

My god this is terrible.
There are two things that make a crappy sci-fi story more forgivable- Good animation/drawings, or being attached to a game.
This has neither.

Please, just stay at deviant art. The empty praise that comes from that wretched place shouldn't be considered as a sign that real people will actually like your work.


People find this review helpful!
caspar8284 responds:

Agree:
-It's terrible.
-Needs much better art.
-Would be better if it were interactive.
-Some of what is said on dA is empty flattery.

Disagree:
-Not sci-fi, but I admit is it easily confused.
-dA is populated by real people, lol.

Thanks for the review. Along with others and my overall score it shows me that the bar is a bit higher than I thought. Won't release something as crappy again, at least by my reckoning.


hongkongexpresshongkongexpress

Rated 5 / 5 stars

I wished Kadir

was a Mero so he wouldn't have to or had to piss me off when I worked at Panagotohellpizza (Panago). god I hate that pizza. I am ashamed for to participating in it's production to people. I apologize