Score: 6
"Karmic retribution"
date: September 30, 2009
It's not a bad little script, but it could use some work on the animation side of things. Perhaps paying more attention to the smashing glass noise would mean that it's cut to the right time scale for what you were after - yours was about 3 times too long, I'm afraid.
With the animation, perhaps you could have done a little more with the background, something like putting a sky in there and making it look like the camera is closer to level with them, maybe keeping the angle slightly above the horizontal, so you don't go completely the other way for the blue / wood background. Where do you go that the sand is that colour? I might fancy a holiday out that way...
The plot could have used more exposition - have the guys crash on the island in a charter flight, for example, so they are castaways. Then show us what was happening to the one crushed under women - perhaps screaming women would throw themselves at him and even if you make them look like blow up dolls, you've got a decent joke. Something similar with the money, but this one seems more difficult, so good luck.
Finally, when X is shot, don't take part of the scenery with you - it doesn't work ;)
[Review Request Club]
October 4, 2009
Author's Response:
The scenery was acciden... I mean, it was artistic.
~ Z
