Score: 10
"Goodbye, friend."
date: March 20, 2007
One day I was walking down the local streets, with sorrow all over my mind. I was depressed out of my mind. Then I bumped into something shapely and, well, FAT!
Gasping for breath, I shouted "Hey you FAT FUCK! Who do yo..." But then I stopped with astonishment.
It was a FAT BADGER! Who mad FLASH MOVIES! Clearly, I was perplexed! I mean, I knew Badgers were pretty damn good with Flash movies, but certainly not a FAT badger!
"Excuse me, Mr. Badger, but... are those... Flash movies?" I asked.
"fcuk u" he coyly replied.
I was in love from that very moment. Every day for almost two years, I followed him with a distance. I knew all his favorite food. What he thought was sexy. His family. I knew everything about this badger's life. I had photos of him everywhere in my room. I would pleasure myself sexually thinking about his movies. Later on, I would even mutilate myself. My only goal in life now was to be with Badger forever.
One night, I approached him at his favorite bar, Too-too-tuesday's.
"Hey Badger, Uhhh...." I said.
"god what the fuck do you want stop following me goddaMNIT i hate you" he tried to plead.
"I know, I know. I know of the police calls. I know of the restraining orders. Hell, I was even questioned TWICE! But it won't matter anymore now, my dear." As I finished my poem, I brought up my lovely seven-inch blade. And in one second, I slashed his face right open.
He looked beautiful on the ground, as his Flash movies were scattered everywhere and his eyeballs became disoriented. With one final, gasping breath, he muttered:
"god ur a ass"
I simply stood over him, smiling. Officer Tom would be here soon. But I wouldn't care.
