Score: 7
"Nice..."
date: March 10, 2004
Love Tom Waits, love that song... good style overall, but I think your movie could have been a little less literal. It's kind of lazy to show what's actually being said all the time. Tom says "a couple of Mickey's Bigmouths," Frank thinks "Mickey's x2," etc.
Try using "simultaneous action." For some scenes, show something that might not necessarily be congruent with the narrative, but will still enhance the story. Just a suggestion... :)