Score: 6
"May I suggest...?"
date: September 9, 2006
Okay, I like horror games. This one deffinately has potential but I think you can do better.
Remember that the player, unless they're very young, will be put off by the cheesy screams and blood in every scene. As a story teller you need to know that the scariest things to the player will come from their own mind.
The visuals and constant screams made it feel more like a cheap Halloween "haunted house." To conjure fear in the player you must make them think. What you don't see can be a lot scarrier than what you do. It draws the player away to imagine the worst possible scenerio or what they're afraid of most.
You need more of a build up before the horror strikes, then an earily calm pause like the eye of the hurricane and then, BAM! Right when the player has started to calm or relax hit them again. Again sound is key, as well as your text message to describe in more detail what they player character is sensing such as sight and sound as well as smell. The more detail you put in the more clearly you can envoke what you want in the player's mind.
Still a fun piece, but like I said I think you've the talent to one-up yourself. :)