Score: 8
"Very Good effort but there is room for improvement"
date: November 28, 2006
You are very good animator and ur style along with this storyline own a ton of potential.
yet, for one, your timing is off...as in it seems to take too long for things to happen. Maybe if u do storyboards,,,realize in which scenes things of "not too much importance" are happening and use these as very fast transitionary effects (perhaps) or get rid of em copletely. There are spots where I got bored and had to convince myself to stick with this thorough work.
I apologize, but this boredom may be relative to the fact that you honestly need just a little help with the humor aspect of the film. I respect that you are not stepping to violence or cussing (just) to impress though. Still, we all must recognize our weak points as artists and maybe you know of someone that is usually the center of attention in your crowd...or a humor columnist in your local town...he/she would probably be grateful for the chance to be creative with an artist as talented and driven as you.
You are an excellent animator and the scene with the pink refuse was funny, but it too was a bit too long focused on that goo even, I think. Certainly, I understand that one's most important scenes should last longer (usually anyway) than scenes that are just setting up the dramatic elements of a story, but that should just go to show you how over-long the other elements are. As in the toilet scene, something like that will "stick" with the audience as long as they are not lulled to sleep by the "supportive" aspects. The length of a crucial scene should be weighed out in relation to everything else. Maybe a book on writing dramatically will help you with some of this.
One other thing is that maybe, just maybe though, the ducks voice is just a bit drab and this may lull people a bit. I see what you were trying for and your effort was seemingly high here;
Please realize I certainly don't want to discourage you with any of this review but I feel that in the voice, just like some of these other things i've criticized, you are just a bit off. Certainly, I know that all that you accomplished was not easy and took a great deal of effort. I just see such great potential for your animation. Yet, I will not be able to continue to view your submissions and work if I feel it wastes too much more of my precious time (I am very picky about what submissions I give my time to in here based on reviews, previous work, etc.) I would like to come back to your work to find that you have "sharpened it up a bit," if even just minutely, the next time.
Again, I think the concise message of a storyboard will help you. That or imagine and thus, literally plan your animation work as a comic book with a limited number of pages. Actually do your planning as if YOU HAVE TO LIMIT YOURSELF (in that way) OR ELSE (type of situation). As in, if you don't communicate the entire "EPISODE" into a limited amount of space-pages-scenes...you would lose your job as an artist.
This limited space may teach you that you just have to get comfortable with letting things fall to (and die on) the cutting room floor.
One way I know to help practice this as an artist is to do a piece of artwork and then destroy it...basically trusting oneself to do it again, only better, right out of memory...what this does is often improve the conciseness of one's communication by getting rid of all the extraneous material.
Remain strong in what you do, good luck and good energy, you've much to give to others.
Julia Cameron is a great author of books on creativity, writing, etc. and some of her new books look great...I can't wait to find the time to check them out...just a thought.