Score: 4
"Brilliant Parody, Poor Game, Go Elsewhere"
date: October 17, 2008
Now, this is a part of a review I hate: dissing a genius piece of flash that, by anyone's standards, accomplishes everything it sets out to do, and does it with style. Nevertheless, having played through it, I must say that the main emotion I feel towards this game is the regret that I spent time playing it.
Let me explain: this is NOT because it is a bad piece of flash. Not by any means WHATSOEVER. On the contrary, this is perhaps the best parody of a dating sim (the decision to launch a few smacks at the grand Hentai Simgirls game is apparent to anyone who has played both). It generates a constant, insane atmosphere that will stick with you for long after the game is done (The "Broken" School is genius, to be blunt). The jokes are always bizarre, but this rarely gets in the way of their comedic effect. In short, almost everything you could ever want in a Sim Game is here.
So why am I giving it such a low rating?
Because, bluntly, I find that this.... thing cannot make up its mind between being an actual, funcitoning game, or being a limtied, on-rails parody. And, as a result, it is hurt. BADLY. And this brings me to my most grievous condemnation of it. When you get to the bottom of it, this is ultimately a shallow piece of flash that markets almost entirely on its novelty factor.
But I don't have a problem with that, as that is not my condemnation of it. My condemnation of it is simply that it bogs down after a while because it has the length of a serious game, but none of the satisfaction that comes with that.
The game will drag on for a couple of hours, and the simple fact is that it lacks the content or the reasons to keep you entertained for even part of that. After a while, you find that the "Battle" scenes are the only refreshing thing, and even those suffer after a while.
To phrase this simply: This thing requires a commitment in time that is disproportionately large to any "payoff" you might get for completing it. And that is a bad thing. Because this game is confused, not merely in-universe, but whether it wants to be a serious game or a straight-up parody. And while the parody is brilliant, this as a functioning game is too threadbare to manage.
Indeed, I can say with all honesty that I never intend to play this again. Not because it is a poor piece of flash, but because there is absolutely no reason to make the time commitments necessary to complete it. Why would you? To see all the endings? Why bother trekking across such a long, bland distance when finishing it once will allow you to see all four? To see all that the game has to offer? In that case, I pity you, because you are a far more dedicated completionist than I ever will be, and for that, I am thankful.
This is not to say that it is poor. Absolutely not. It is a cutting piece that is made will obvious vision, humor, and taste. It is just that such things are of little comfort when you stare at the ending screen wondering why you played through this when, in a fraction of the time, you could have played countless other games with far more meat to offter.
So, for this I apologize to the authors. This is not to my taste. If I had to suggest you do one thing, it would be to decide between making this a barely-interactive parody or a game with a parodic background. Don't make the mistake of trying to do both. Because life is to short for repetitive, overlong games.
I apologize deeply for this, as it is a brilliant piece. It just isn't a terribly good piece to go through.
