How to Play Oregon Trail

[Luxury-Yacht]

Oregon Trail. Probably the best computer game ever fabricated. It's pixels and midi-music warmed the heart. Of course, one could not just play Oregon Trail without following a set of rules; oh no, there were standards and regulations that had to be followed while blazing your way to the West Coast with your family.

1) You had to be the banker. No exceptions.

2) Ford every river in order to save $5 on a ferry. No exceptions.

3) When leaving the Independence, buy only the bare minimums for everything, except for bullets. Buy as many bullets as possible. This is important.

4) Hunt as often as possible. Kill everything. Nothing is to be left behind alive, not even the squirrels. Kill them ALL. You are a pioneer. Your JOB is to rape the land as thoroughly as possible. Even though you can only carry back a few hundred pounds of meat, don't stop killing after one buffalo. This is an act of weakness, and your fellow pioneers will lose all respect for you for being so weak, and eventually sell you to the Indians as slave labor in exchange for more bullets.

5) Always travel at a grueling pace. The oxen can handle it. It's what they do best.

6) Eat as much as possible. Highest rations at all times. You should have at least a half ton of meat at all times, anyway.

7) Never trade at forts. You will never find what you're looking for (which should be more bullets).

8) Whenever someone dies, make fun of them on their headstone. That way, all the following travelers will know how much you hated your companions. You hate them, hate them, hate them. Hate them so much. You would have them all dead if you didn't need them in case you had to resort to cannibalism during hard times.

9) Name your party members after your friends, so that when they inevitably die of dysentery, you can turn to them and say "Oh shit, you just died, ha ha", to which they will shake their heads in disapproval and silently curse your name for being so lame.

10) You were not permitted to buy clothing. Never. Not even if you chose to be the tailor (which you should never do in the first place). It doesn't matter that it increased the chance of sickness in your party. There are two reasons for this- A) Because it was funny to make a family travel from Missouri to Oregon totally naked, and B) clothes cost money.
Now that you know the rules, be ready to have the adventure of your life!

But not really.

[daves234]

I live in Oregon :P

[Luxury-Yacht]

At 9/19/08 02:56 AM, daves234 wrote: I live in Oregon :P

Is your dad a banker?

[daves234]

At 9/19/08 02:59 AM, Luxury-Yacht wrote:

At 9/19/08 02:56 AM, daves234 wrote: I live in Oregon :P

Is your dad a banker?

no a electraiton or that's how you spell it

[Lapse]

Beautiful.

I loved that game.

I want it for the 360. Remade. Not by EA; by Rockstar.

XD

[Lapse]

oh yeah, and x-box live of course.

[Luxury-Yacht]

At 9/19/08 03:01 AM, daves234 wrote:

At 9/19/08 02:59 AM, Luxury-Yacht wrote:

At 9/19/08 02:56 AM, daves234 wrote: I live in Oregon :P

Is your dad a banker?

no a electraiton or that's how you spell it

Then how the hell did you make it to Oregon?

[TheAutocrat]

This thread made me laugh alot.
Cause i played that game so much.

Did you know you can change the bottom text when playing?
I changed my whole story.
I used my best friend as an axle.
Then We ate all the oxen and replaced them with the women.
But we all died.

[36Holla]

Always use the indians to help you ford rivers.

Always name your companions Kenny because South Park was funny back then

Always bring tons of food to eat. LMAO!

Oh wait, you're being sarcastic on how to beat the game. Ooooooooooooooooooooooh...

[Alastor]

I was always the farmer.

I kicked everyone's ass in my grade 3 class since I always got the most points.

[NOTKemCab]

That game was fun like once.

[36Holla]

At 9/19/08 04:10 AM, NOTKemCab wrote: That game was fun like once.

Once + 4564534 more times you mean.

[The-Great-One]

And thus the Video Game Forum is tossed aside once again.

[Alastor]

At 9/19/08 03:04 AM, AloysiusRexford wrote: oh yeah, and x-box live of course.

Multiplayer Oregon Trail

I take it one player plays the role of the trek leader, while the other players play the role of your classmates sitting behind you watching.

[DirtySyko]

You shot 3,550 pounds of meat.

YOU MAY ONLY TAKE BACK 7 POUNDS LOLOLOL!!!

You lost 6 pounds of food due to spoilage.

:(

[NOTKemCab]

At 9/19/08 04:11 AM, 36Holla wrote:

At 9/19/08 04:10 AM, NOTKemCab wrote: That game was fun like once.

Once + 4564534 more times you mean.

No, like once. You had to try to kill someone in that game.

[Seriana]

Martha was raped.
Martha died of Chmydia.

NOW IF YOU WERE A DOCTOR YOU COULD SAVE HER

[36Holla]

At 9/19/08 04:18 AM, DirtySyko wrote: You shot 3,550 pounds of meat.

YOU MAY ONLY TAKE BACK 7 POUNDS LOLOLOL!!!

You lost 6 pounds of food due to spoilage.

(

Well clearly the women and children aren't getting any. It's not like they ACTUALLY do anything.

[stafffighter]

I tried to trade for one bullet in a town once and no one had one bullet to spare. It would have been so easy to rob them if that was just an option.

[dogpup4]

Video game forum. Three words. Three simple words, and everyone ignores them.

[Luxury-Yacht]

At 9/19/08 04:21 AM, Pounce wrote: Martha was raped.
Martha died of Chmydia.

NOW IF YOU WERE A DOCTOR YOU COULD SAVE HER

Why would you want to? She was already RAPED. DAMAGED GOODS ARE BAD LUCK ON JOURNEYS.

[TOEZ]

I shot like, 5 buffalo in one sitting, but was only allowed to take back about half of the weight.

That game ruled.

[Sarcasm]

At 9/19/08 05:27 AM, dogpup4 wrote: Video game forum. Three words. Three simple words, and everyone ignores them.

This is more than just a video game. This is a way of life.

[sirtom93]

I believe we had a copy of that at school.

[Raguel]

At 9/19/08 04:13 PM, Sarcasm wrote:

At 9/19/08 05:27 AM, dogpup4 wrote: Video game forum. Three words. Three simple words, and everyone ignores them.

This is more than just a video game. This is a way of life.

Strangely, you posted more less what I was going to post.

Oregon Trail is a pillar of our very foundation.

[sirtom93]

Whoops forgot to be a total fag and say.

Err this belongs in the VG forum :3

[All-American-Badass]

i remember that game back in like the 4th grade
we need to play it in middle and high school

[The-Omnipresence]

At 9/19/08 04:41 PM, Raguel wrote:

At 9/19/08 04:13 PM, Sarcasm wrote:

At 9/19/08 05:27 AM, dogpup4 wrote: Video game forum. Three words. Three simple words, and everyone ignores them.

This is more than just a video game. This is a way of life.

Strangely, you posted more less what I was going to post.

Oregon Trail is a pillar of our very foundation.

It transcends words like "game" and has become the very staple in our modern way of life. Much like the internet today, I don't know how the human race would have survived without it.

[sirtom93]

At 9/19/08 04:49 PM, All-American-Badass wrote: i remember that game back in like the 4th grade
we need to play it in middle and high school

Why, it isn't to beneficial to your education.

[All-American-Badass]

At 9/19/08 04:51 PM, sirtom93 wrote:

At 9/19/08 04:49 PM, All-American-Badass wrote: i remember that game back in like the 4th grade
we need to play it in middle and high school

Why, it isn't to beneficial to your education.

yes it is
it teaches us the basics of rationing supplies and geography of the US. It also teaches us how to be fine marksmen.