Review some stuff.

[Darknessium]

I just finished making a table-top boardgame, it's gameplay and story is heavily based on survival horror games like Silent Hill and Resident Evil, in the campagine, there are various sequences where players encounter monsters and are forced to battle them, im putting out a few of the texts for bosses and certain interactable sequences, tell me what you think about them.

Sequence one
You awaken from a horrible nightmare; you are drawn out of your small apartment by an unknown instinct. You move further down the apartment's district, you see a corpse lying in the middle of the street, its lower body is torn off, its intestines have been strung out and crudely tied to a wheel chair, you try to find people in nearby houses but there's nobody around. You open one of the doors to a house and behind the frame is a giant wall of concrete; the corpse slowly lifts itself up by its arms and crawls towards you. As it gets closer you notice blood constantly seeping from the pours in its skin, it shrieks and swings the wheelchair at you, the wheelchair hits one of the concrete steps leading up to the house, breaks off a large chunk, and sends it flying at you, luckily you dodge it.

Sequence five
You walk along a path shrouded by trees, only illuminated by the white light of the full moon, you hear a low groaning noise, like a combination of a boar and a bull, but slower and deeper, you briefly see grey flesh and a mouth full of gnarled tusks in the distance, then the monster steps out of the darkness and runs towards you.

Sequence seventeen (Second boss fight)
Before you enter the last room, you find a note on the ground, it reads, "The fear of death is more to be dreaded than death itself.", you enter the room, its almost entirely empty except for a thick noose hanging from the shrouded cieling, suddenly the noose unties itself and ascends into the shadows, then, before you can even realize it, you are being attacked, the creature moves very fast but you can tell it looks like a large white worm with blades protruding from its back and two human arms towards the front of it, its phallic shaped head has a long spiky tounge protruding from it. The cieling begins to dissolve away as though lit by an invisible fire, and behind it is a yellow candlelight glow.

Sequence thirty two (Mid game boss fight)
You enter the library, there is a book on the table, it appears blank as you skim through it, but you notice a slightly darker page in the middle of the book with something written on it, it says, "Many of the ugly pages of American history have been obscured and forgotten." Then you realize with horror that that page is made of human skin. You hear the skittering noise again. And again, you spin around with your weapon ready, at first you see nothing, but then you see theres a monster grappling onto the side of a wall the shadows, simply watching you grinning sadistically. It looks like a humanoid without legs and 6 clawed arms holding it up, its body is smeared with blood.

Sequence thirty three
There is a door to the east side of the office, a blood red glow emits from the crack in the door. There is a note on the ground, it says "Down the rabbit hole!"

Sequence thirty four
You walk through the door into a living nightmare, the hall looks like the inside of a decaying intestine, as though you were devoured by some giant horrid creature, there's a note lying on the ground, it says, "I found one day in school a boy of medium size ill-treating a smaller boy. I expostulated, but he replied: 'The bigs hit me, so I hit the babies; that's fair.' In these words he epitomized the history of the human race."

Sequence fourty three (Mid game boss fight)
You crawl out of the musty torture chamber and gasp for breath, only for your lungs to be filled with the mettalic scent of blood. Five bodies are scattered around the small room, sunlight from the window on the cieling shines on a lone figure, standing fearsomely, it is bound in bladed chains, writhing in eternal agony, it wears a three-sided triangular helmet with a large eye painted on each of the three sides. It points at you and roars hatefully as it approaches.

Sequence fifty five (End game boss fight)
You enter a particularly dark cavern, "Help." something calls to you from the darkness, you look to your left, one of the torso creatures you saw in the mall is speaking to you through telepathy, its body is hung upside down from a long chain protruding from the ceiling, various large cuts cover it as it writhes on a meat hook, "Help me!" it cries, then something lurches out of a dark corner, its the masked monster, it impales the creature on a large meat gaff which goes all the way through its flesh and into the adjacent wall, the creature stabs the other creature over and over while roaring at you.

Sequence sixty six (Final boss fight)
You enter a large circular chamber, the chamber rises up past the door into a black sky with blood red stars, you move towards the edge of the platform and look down into undisturbed darkness, and then look forward into the vast void; billions of corpses are floating around, suspended in the vast sepulcher of darkness, the stars brighten as a creature of pure and ancient power rises from the other side of the platform, the creature has a large body shaped like a monkeys, its legs are crossed, its head is a fanged skull of a human, three metal plates float up and cover the head, the flesh of a human face stretched over each of them, one plate colored red, one colored yellow, and one colored black. As it floats towards you, the stars align with its movement. This creature is the epitome of darkness, every negative action ever done strengthening it. Power wells up in its gnarled black claws. You hear a high pitched shrieking noise from in your mind.

[Darknessium]

Im not letting this topic get instantly pushed down into the pit until ive had at least one reply...

[Darknessium]

Oh damnit, worst time to post this...

[uyersuyer]

Sounds like something that would be done with the D20 system. Having some experience with DMing, I'd suggest giving more descriptions and less godmodding... you should always give the players a good degree of control over their characters. The way you've phrased your introduction, it seems like everything is very pre-determined and doesn't really give the player the sense that they're in control of their own outcome.

Hope that made sense/helps.

[joabos]

At 9/17/08 08:00 PM, uyersuyer wrote:
Hope that made sense/helps.

Damn, you posted here. I was hoping for no-one to post, just for the lulz of it all.

[Los-Illuminados]

lol im not gonna post here just for the lulz.

oh SHI-

[Darknessium]

At 9/17/08 08:00 PM, uyersuyer wrote: Sounds like something that would be done with the D20 system. Having some experience with DMing, I'd suggest giving more descriptions and less godmodding... you should always give the players a good degree of control over their characters. The way you've phrased your introduction, it seems like everything is very pre-determined and doesn't really give the player the sense that they're in control of their own outcome.

Hope that made sense/helps.

You're actually very right, this is done in the d20 system, I did godmodding purposefully, this campaigne is all about oppression and limited opportunity. Locking the players in situations which have little chance of escape. The thing I really want to know is how people feel by reading it.