dont give up. i dont mean about music, i mean about real life, period. given you go to college, you can still carve out a way of life. thats been my main focus, not music, and im glad im keeping it that way. but at the end, i think your feelings posted here are really a perspective of your entire life--and what you're going to do with it.
read on, and ill formulate my argument.
in terms of selling yourself out and trying to impress all your friends, i have an analog from an article written by a teacher from MIT about top science students in the US. they do science contests. they study like crazy. they learn a ton and know much more than anyone else, and they have a lot of credentials under their belt. often enough, people tend to try to impress the social group they interact with--meaning for your past situation, the people around you, the people on newgrounds--but never take into account whether that social group is even worth impressing. hence, in the "real world," you get a lot of super smart people going into nuanced fields and doing so excellently, but from a strictly financial standpoint [where the breadwinner comes in], they don't make the returns they invest in.
yet, nevertheless, for every qualified physics professor on the block who has to deal with all the crap and hardship the profession comes with, they still do it. why? because they like it, and they think its worth devoting their lives to. and that is the admirable part.
my point is that more often than not, keeping in your favorite field or following your creative wonder really _wont_ get you anywhere. sure, if you're lucky you might be the next awesome producer, or in the world of industry, the next bill gates or warren buffett or something. but probably not. and then again, if you go into something that is truly profitable, you may just end up hating yourself.
and so im having the same problem as you--not necessarily on a musical level, but on just handling my life. ya, im a high school student, but i got a lot to swallow because now is when i basically have to choose what i want my life to be, and i cant answer that for myself. i dont _know_ what i want to do, i dont think you know either, let alone many many other people, adults, teens, and children alike. and i think thats a problem we all have to deal with one way or another.
its good you post this stuff up on NG where those select few actually care. i dont know, i suggest you have a nice talk with the people you know best--whether that be us here, your best friends at school, and hell, your girlfriend. because in my opinion, thats something you'll have to figure out from inside you.