Judge my lyrics!

[MrFlopz]

So I made up this song and I just wanted to hear some opinions on it. And please don't call me emo lol.

Falling Through the Skies

I look around me at the walls that surround me
They're the only things I've seen since I awoke this morning
Unless you count the world, I only watched it through a window
Yet I remain inside here
Surrounded by this clutter
This room looks awfully filled
But it's completely empty inside

That doesn't change unless I close my eyes

Feet no longer stand on ground
Eyes are looking through the clouds
Heart starts beating faster now, as I begin to fall
Arms are reaching everywhere
Trying to grab onto air
Yet I'm falling through the skies
I've lost those wings that let me fly

If there is one thing I have learned it's that ignorance is bliss
As our minds grow older optimism will feel missed
But don't fall into a trance, in which you can't feel happiness
While the blue sky fades to black,
You'll see that nothing changes
And these days all bleed together
There's a chain you try to sever, when

You close your eyes and leave the world again

Feet no longer stand on ground
Eyes are looking through the clouds
Heart starts beating faster now, as I begin to fall
Arms are reaching everywhere
Trying to grab onto air
Yet I fall through the skies
I've lost those wings that let me fly

Because when I close my eyes
I enter a paradise
Based on delusions and lies
So I fall through the skies
Every time I open up my eyes

[UltimateAxl]

I'll admit, those are real good lyrics.

[Nakisima]

I'm sorry, emo is the only way to describe them. It says "Get the Stanley's out" clearly.

[imasmartass]

pretty damn good if I say so myself.

[X8X]

Those are pretty good actually, how long did it take for you to write them?

[MrFlopz]

Thanks guys. I started working on this song about a month ago, but I only really had a chorus that needed some revision. Then I stated working on what was meant to be a different song, but I found a way to get the flow of the verses to match this chorus and I worked on the the lyrics until the transition from the verses to the chorus made sense. It really wasn't that hard to think of and I'm glad to hear some positive feedback.

[EgoistXIV]

At 8/10/08 12:12 PM, MrFlopz wrote: I look around me at the walls that surround me

Emo lol.

Seriously, that's probably good enough. 8/10

[Otto]

Most lyrics depend on how they're sung. Yours is a tad generic, relying on the simple kind of contradiction and load of metaphors to pull through. Could do with a tad more originality, but I know good songs with worse lyrics. 7/10

[Golmit]

its crap emo crap ...

[Netting]

i like a lot :33 i could imagine it in a psychedelic/screamo/gothic HIMish sound.. thatd be so delicious D:

[TheSilverGuitar]

Copy and Paste...... I hope you didn't copyright them.....

[MyBlacker]

it's ok.

i guess.

[Lorkas]

Not bad for a mentally handicapped person

[Shreddy]

you got a melody to go with that?

[Sk8erGirl14]

It's pretty good, but to me it seems like it lacks syllables in some places..

[Xstand]

Well it's clear that you do have lyrical talent. You should attempt writing poetry, you'd probably be great at it.

Although those lyrics do seem quite depressing. Sadness isn't the only emotion you're able to get through by writing. Try expressing happiness or some shit next time.

[MrFlopz]

At 8/10/08 02:17 PM, Shreddy wrote: you got a melody to go with that?

Yeah. The style is pretty similar to Rise Against if you've ever heard them. The verses are pretty fast passed especially at the end of a verse when the lines get shorter. The chorus starts off pretty slow, but there is a pause after "I begin to fall". Then the beat speeds up a lot and the singing gets louder. But the last few lines have a very slow pace to them.

[ZulloZ]

At 8/10/08 01:22 PM, EgoistXIV wrote:

At 8/10/08 12:12 PM, MrFlopz wrote: I look around me at the walls that surround me

Emo lol.

Seriously, that's probably good enough. 8/10

It looks kinda emo, o_O but it's good, though.

[MrFlopz]

At 8/10/08 02:18 PM, Xstand wrote: Well it's clear that you do have lyrical talent. You should attempt writing poetry, you'd probably be great at it.

Although those lyrics do seem quite depressing. Sadness isn't the only emotion you're able to get through by writing. Try expressing happiness or some shit next time.

Thanks but I'm really trying to say life sucks or anything. Its just about how things always seem better when you dream about them but it might not be the same when it actually happens. This could really be applied to anything though.

[Peacekid]

Generic class crap.

[chaw]

it's alright, but you've got a problem I have.
it's that you've written about something depressing. I've been trying to change that recently, but it's hard.
you've got the rhyming down well, you seem to know what your doing, you just seem to write, quite honestly, generic stuff.
but I'm not saying I can do it. most of the lyrics I've written are relatively depressing, apart from one about feet fetishes.
*hem*

[RacistBassist]

It didn't even rhyme

[HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT]

Good.

Here's mine:

VERSE 1
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then I must be legally blind.
Because day after day, and week after week, I let this happen to me all the time.
Just call me the Spitzer of Morals.
Call me the Osama Bin Laden of boldness.
Sure, for witty comebacks, I've got an arsenal.
But this next one, I'm planning out.
Like an angsty game of chess.
CHORUS.
It helps to sugar coat anything, but the taste will still remain.
From a distance you looked like you could be relatively sane.
A yes, then a no, and a maybe, well I don't think so.
You're like a prison with a revolving door.
And this crime feels so good, they just want to have some more.
Just don't blame me when she leaves you listening,
To Linkin Park on the Kitchen Floor.
VERSE 2.
How was that, was that offensive?
Because I hope to god it was.
Because everyone hates being used,
Even the guy above.
Take this song as a message, a catchy little medley.
For the heaven that your promised me and, the Hell that you gave me.

*REPEAT CHORUS*

OUTRO
If you think I'm losing sleep over this.
If you think I want you back.
You're like a bad SNL skit,
That I can easily forget.

[doody1]

Lush.
Whate genre of music will it be sung in?

[MrFlopz]

Now that I've read through a lot of criticism, I think you guys are right. It seems like I'm complaining about life but not really suggesting anything to improve it. I'll do some revision, thanks for the feedback

[jewdudewtf]

Most of your rhyming schemes don't work, at least for me.

[Winned]

It's pretty good but I can't really picture being a song. It seems more like a poem. Nonetheless good job.

[Scuzzfest]

Sell it Coldplay they'll sing anything now.

[MrFlopz]

At 8/10/08 09:05 PM, Winned wrote: It's pretty good but I can't really picture being a song. It seems more like a poem. Nonetheless good job.

It's hard to picture it as a song unless you actually hear it. I know exactly how it would sound and I am satisfied with the beat. But there is no way to really show that over the internet.

[MrFlopz]

I took some suggestions and revised the lyrics. I added something to the end and I think it made the lyrics much better

Falling Through the Skies

I look around me at the walls that surround me
They're the only things I've seen since I awoke this morning
Unless you count the world, I only watched it through a window
Yet I remain inside here
Surrounded by this clutter
This room looks awfully filled
But it's completely empty inside

That doesn't change unless I close my eyes

Feet no longer stand on ground
Eyes are looking through the clouds
Heart starts beating faster now, as I begin to fall
Arms are reaching everywhere
Trying to grab onto air
Yet I'm falling through the skies
I've lost those wings that let me fly

If there is one thing I have learned it's that ignorance is bliss
As our minds grow older optimism will feel missed
But don't fall into a trance, in which you can't feel happiness
While the blue sky fades to black,
You'll see that nothing changes
And these days all bleed together
There's a chain you try to sever, when

You close your eyes and leave the world again

Feet no longer stand on ground
Eyes are looking through the clouds
Heart starts beating faster now, as I begin to fall
Arms are reaching everywhere
Trying to grab onto air
Yet I fall through the skies
I've lost those wings that let me fly

Because when I close my eyes
I enter a paradise
Based on delusions and lies
So I fall through the skies
Every time I open up my eyes

And now I have a choice
Accept the world or dream of joy
When I dream my minds not free, but bound to a fantasy

I fell through the skies
But I don't need wings to fly