This is the message I just sent to AeraDynamics after he posted a few times in my journal spot.
on second thought... I just had a complete change of heart of the fatty subject...
I realized something today. I'm just like him. He lies about everything, but he doesn't do it because he's a bad person. He just wants to be liked. There's no way in hell he's 16. He has to be younger, he just doesn't want to admit it because he wants to be taken seriously. He seeks comfort.
When I was around 12 I would take drawings that I really liked and I would claim them to be my own. I'd go on the internet and lie about my age and everything I did. I grew out of that and I try so hard now to be legitimate, but I haven't changed much. I still use presets when I need to give one of my songs some added umpf. I am where I am today because I stand on the shoulders of giants. People who are better than myself. I'd be nowhere today if it weren't for the real pros that dedicated their lives to something they truly enjoy.
When I play my drums now, I wear earplugs to protect my ears for the coming years that I'll be producing music. When I start a song now, I try to initialize each of the synth patches so that I begin from the bare minimum that these programs can allow. I used a preset a few songs back called After6. I found it when I was scrolling around the instrument bank looking for a pad that would sit in the background and add a little dynamic element to the track. I found that and thought "this is nice. I absolutely have to use this." So I did. I never said it was my own, and I've told the few people who asked about it that it was in fact a preset. I feel really guilty for it, but it was just so damn tempting. Such a beautiful sound, so well programed, so perfect in every way. Though I had no intention to let it become the focus of the track, I realize now that the pad MADE the track.
I'm an amateur, and I sit on the shoulders of giants. I admit it, and I want to change it. I'm not a very smart guy, I'm just really creative. I take shortcuts when I create because I don't know how to do something myself and I don't have the patience to learn. We're all guilty of this. Everyone just wants comfort. Most of us just want to be liked by others. We all want to be taken as seriously as the pros. That's why we steal. We just tell ourselves that it's not stealing because we want to be liked so damn much. We all just want the comfort of being told that we're experts, that we're smart, that we know everything when we don't. I have done the wrong things and never even realized it because I just wanted to be loved.
I'm a hypocrite, and I'm a fool. I'm a tool. I'm a creep. I'm nothing but everything I hate. I feel really bad now for attacking fatty for the things I'm also guilty of. I'm no better than dreamscaper or tatsu. I looked up to them, then I hated them, now I hate myself. I've grown to love the newgrounds community so much. I've grown to love everything about this site and the people here. I don't want to become something I'm not. I want to become so much more. I want to be a professional electronic music producer, but before I can do that, I have to admit that I'm nothing. I have to confess my downsides. I have to apologize to fatty. When he first started submitting to newgrounds I offered to help him. I told him that using samples and presets was illegitimate and wrong and he lied about using them and he said I was lying. I was so offended by that because I thought I was so perfect. I thought I was so godly at making audio in garage band. I'm such a slow minded fool.
I really want to make things right here. I want to take back everything I've ever said and done and start all over again. Of course, I would probably just do the same exact shit. We all stand on the shoulders of giants. You can't use a DAW and say that you make everything from scratch, because someone made the DAW. You can't use a preset and claim it to be your own. You can't take entire free songs out of garage band and say "I worked really hard on this."
I'm such a cunt. I'm such a loser. I'm so fucking dumb. I've never been able to see that what I've been doing is wrong. I can only become better at what I do by refocusing myself and admitting that I'm an amateur. Thanks AeraDynamic for helping me out here. You made me realize how fucking childish I am.
I hope that this message inspires everyone else who reads it. I hope that this sets things a little straighter. My hands are trembling as I type this up and get ready to show it to you all. But I know it's the right thing, and it has to be said. We're all hypocrites, and I love you all. I really hope you guys can accept me for admitting this. I never really liked radiohead, but I think I can honestly say that I understand Thom Yorke more now than ever. I'm such a fucking creep.