At 6/11/14 02:41 AM, The-Great-One wrote:
I'm doing a bit of research for a book I am looking to write in the future and I wanted to know something about all of you here and that is this. What is your coming out story? How did you friends take it? How did your family take it? Why did you hide it or not hide it? When and how did you come to this realization?
Haven't posted on Newgrounds for a while (reddit stole my soul) but figured I'd answer this. It's funny since my posts from just a year ago on this club are so significantly different from where I'm at now. I'm gonna do it out of order since it makes more sense to me. This is going to be kind of long winded.
When and how did you come to this realization?
I think I was always aware I was missing something which other people around me were experiencing but I didn't specifically notice I was attracted to guys until I was 14. There was some school event at my high school which was pyjama day or some shit. The volleyball team being classic sport douches all showed up wearing only boxers. There were some very attractive guys on the volleyball team, as I later noted in the shower that night. It opened up this whole world of confusing thoughts and whenever I fapped after that it was to the thought of guys. I had a very long denial period (I'll come back to that) and started watching gay porn at 18. At this time I was at Uni, still going out with girls and telling myself I was Bi but only practically interested in girls.
Why did you hide it or not hide it?
I had a lot of self esteem issues in high school. I was a late bloomer in every sense of the word and it took me pretty much the entirety of high school before I reached any sense of self esteem again. Couple that with my very few friends becoming druggies and ditching me because I wasn't really into that and I had very few people I felt I could open up to. Once uni hit I was just struggling to get myself established and taken seriously. Looking back it would have been perfect to come out at that time but I wasn't ready. Few people guess I'm gay since I'm into more traditional male interests like rock climbing, backpacking, working out, drinking beer... in all my 18 year old immaturity I thought being gay meant I had to be catty, into shopping and obsessed with my self image. I got into a crowd of people with similar interests and was always worried that they would shun me or not want to be friends with me because of it, or later because I had lied to them. I went so far as to date girls, hook up with girls and in one case sleep with a girl in an attempt to hide it, but you can't hide those things from yourself. The first opportunity that came my way, I had a drunk hookup with a dude. It was awful and I felt awful and had no one to vent to. This spurred me to come out. I finally got to the point where I had the confidence that I'd rather live my life as me rather then be surrounded by people who don't actually know me.
How did you friends take it?
All of them took it well bar one. Everyone was surprised but all were extremely happy for me. I think a lot of people were aware how unhappy I had been with my dating (although most didn't realize it had to do with the gender of people I was with) and everyone was in my corner. Except for one guy who I was great friends with at Uni. He came from a family with very traditional views, we went drinking and rock climbing a lot together. He didn't handle it well that I violated his views of how gays are. He's slowly coming around but I think I really blew up how he views the world, which is a good thing I guess.
How did your family take it?
I came out to them recently. They were shocked and said a few negative things in the moment but have really come around. I love them.