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Forum Topic: The Guide to Girls

(333 views • 31 replies)

This topic is 2 pages long. [ 1 | 2 ]

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Tramps

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:01 PM

Tramps DARK LEVEL 18

Sign-Up: 03/25/06

Posts: 7,288

In my travels with my friends, I have encountered many-a-creature, but none so intricate as the modern female. They're ruthless, they're deadly and they will do anything to get what they want. After studying them, for nearly all my life, I have compiled a guide to girls. Hopefully, you'll survive an encounter.

Encountering and confronting girls.
If you've ever seen a girl before, they're rarely alone. Always traveling with more girls or stronger guys incase danger comes their way e.g. someone trying to rape them. Some prime locations to find girls are in the kitchen, a local laundromat or bars, trying to find new prey to sink their fangs into. You see, like the vampire bat, women have sharp fangs and claws and will often try to drain you of your energy or confidence in life.

When you've found your woman, continue on to part two!

Part II
Great, so you've found your woman! Often when confronting them, they will attempt to flee or call for back-up to try and scare you off. Don't be alarmed by this, just continue casually walking towards them and make idle chit-chat. Make sure to comment on their hair that they probably groomed for hours and also comment on their clothes. They look awful, and they have no sense of style, but they like to hear nice things about themselves.

If the beast accepts your yield, offer them a drink of human blood, or more commonly, wine. They will enjoy this offering and gradually become more easy to talk to, but will lose most sense of balance. If they do fall, don't catch them, they'll probably think you're raping them and call for back-up.

So far, you've learned how to:
Find women.
Talk to women.
Let a woman's guard down.
Avoid raping them.

More information coming soon!


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MrLuckDuck

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:02 PM

MrLuckDuck DARK LEVEL 18

Sign-Up: 02/21/07

Posts: 2,693

Great read, we need books on this stuff. :(

"If you're lost and you look, you will find me, time after time" - I will be waiting.

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MisterUnderstood

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:02 PM

MisterUnderstood FAB LEVEL 07

Sign-Up: 06/01/08

Posts: 2,014

"Avoid raping them"

Ha, AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Are you kidding?


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Sekhem

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:03 PM

Sekhem EVIL LEVEL 25

Sign-Up: 02/20/06

Posts: 7,172

this is useful i will bookmark this in case i ever decide women are worthy of being near me

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Trambamboline

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:03 PM

Trambamboline LIGHT LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 12/18/04

Posts: 4,368

Thank you for this guide. I often find myself almost raping women, and would like some pointers on where I've gone wrong.

Because Mr. Welch is the king of the ingenious Exp method.
Brian Michael Bendis is god.
Thor - A pacifist with a big scary hammer.

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Mr-Contradiction

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:04 PM

Mr-Contradiction DARK LEVEL 27

Sign-Up: 11/24/05

Posts: 3,521

At 7/14/08 03:01 PM, Tramps wrote: Avoid raping them.

Why on Earth would NG need to learn that??

Or are you actually trying to help all of the 13 year olds when they discover the real world??

The rainforest burns the same as any other forest.
Smith & Wesson, Curing the Blues Since 1864.
Have a hypothetical bucket.

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robattle

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:04 PM

robattle EVIL LEVEL 09

Sign-Up: 11/21/05

Posts: 5,331

You have to work out, girls hate weak men. Girls want real men not sticks.


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DgsGaming

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:05 PM

DgsGaming LIGHT LEVEL 16

Sign-Up: 12/10/07

Posts: 3,559

At 7/14/08 03:03 PM, Trambamboline wrote: Thank you for this guide. I often find myself almost raping women, and would like some pointers on where I've gone wrong.

Thank god I'm not alone. It's very hard to resist, no?

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Homosecksual

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:05 PM

Homosecksual LIGHT LEVEL 08

Sign-Up: 04/13/08

Posts: 831

Why would I need a girl?

My Newgrounds Birthday List
Super Sexy thanks to JaY11 for sig :3

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Prinzy2

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:05 PM

Prinzy2 NEUTRAL LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 12/07/06

Posts: 5,003

Falling down is clearly a ploy by the woman to entrap the man. She falls and you bend down, sacrificing your balance, to help her up. Unknown to the man, she plans to pull him closer and dig her teeth into his neck, and hand into his back pocket.

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Trambamboline

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:06 PM

Trambamboline LIGHT LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 12/18/04

Posts: 4,368

At 7/14/08 03:05 PM, DgsGaming wrote: Thank god I'm not alone. It's very hard to resist, no?

Well I don't mean to! It's just that I seem to be accused of it alot. Perhaps I wam walking towards them too fast.

Because Mr. Welch is the king of the ingenious Exp method.
Brian Michael Bendis is god.
Thor - A pacifist with a big scary hammer.

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NGCA

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:06 PM

NGCA DARK LEVEL 15

Sign-Up: 02/28/04

Posts: 3,518

At 7/14/08 03:01 PM, Tramps wrote: stuff

Alright, buddy, I think we can just shorten this down to "put it in".

If you've just read my post realize there's a 93.7% that it's true.
Musical Tastes VIA Youtube
Gamertag: I STiCKY TAPE I

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DgsGaming

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:08 PM

DgsGaming LIGHT LEVEL 16

Sign-Up: 12/10/07

Posts: 3,559

At 7/14/08 03:06 PM, Trambamboline wrote:
At 7/14/08 03:05 PM, DgsGaming wrote: Thank god I'm not alone. It's very hard to resist, no?
Well I don't mean to! It's just that I seem to be accused of it alot. Perhaps I wam walking towards them too fast.

Yeah, you have to approach them slowly. If you go too quickly, you'll scare them away.

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PPGirl16

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:09 PM

PPGirl16 NEUTRAL LEVEL 10

Sign-Up: 04/01/08

Posts: 431

At 7/14/08 03:01 PM, Tramps wrote: They're ruthless, they're deadly and they will do anything to get what they want.

Um, I think you're making a mistake. Not all girls are ruthless and deadly, and not all girls will do anything to get what they want. I'm one of those girls who aren't like what you described.

The Guide to Girls

The alias is PPGirl16, and this is the link to my profile.

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fawnret

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:10 PM

fawnret DARK LEVEL 11

Sign-Up: 05/31/06

Posts: 1,118

one time I did a scene in acting about a guide to women in my acting class. It was funny to do since the majority of the class was girls.

generic stuff
your lack of skills makes me sad. yes I know my sig isn't too great, but cut me some slack. I am limited with software to use.

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Tramps

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:12 PM

Tramps DARK LEVEL 18

Sign-Up: 03/25/06

Posts: 7,288

At 7/14/08 03:09 PM, PPGirl16 wrote:
At 7/14/08 03:01 PM, Tramps wrote: They're ruthless, they're deadly and they will do anything to get what they want.
Um, I think you're making a mistake. Not all girls are ruthless and deadly, and not all girls will do anything to get what they want. I'm one of those girls who aren't like what you described.

The exception that proves the rule. Now, back ye beast. You aren't getting my wallet!


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UltimateAxl

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:12 PM

UltimateAxl LIGHT LEVEL 25

Sign-Up: 08/04/06

Posts: 3,205

Tramps, you should write your own book.

Come to my userpage and comment. :D
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

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agustana

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:13 PM

agustana LIGHT LEVEL 15

Sign-Up: 12/07/06

Posts: 5,246

Girls are gay.

I have learned much from watching the Garthok battle. It has weaknesses. I believe I can take it.

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PPGirl16

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:16 PM

PPGirl16 NEUTRAL LEVEL 10

Sign-Up: 04/01/08

Posts: 431

At 7/14/08 03:12 PM, Tramps wrote: The exception that proves the rule. Now, back ye beast. You aren't getting my wallet!

I don't want your wallet. I have my own money.

The alias is PPGirl16, and this is the link to my profile.

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KL3

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:19 PM

KL3 DARK LEVEL 08

Sign-Up: 06/17/08

Posts: 395

#1 thing to do to impress a girl: Show her our 25k post count on Newgrounds.

That's how BonusStage hooked me ;)

Don't whine because BonusStage has an IRL relationship.

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igott

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:21 PM

igott FAB LEVEL 09

Sign-Up: 12/30/07

Posts: 1,600

Its about fucking time someone did better than Will smith.

DO IT FOR THE LULZ! DO IT FOR COMMUNISM! LUL
Awesomest Bad guy||||| FREEZAR FOODS! |||||
Visit my chat (DeviantArt Required.)

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Tramps

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:33 PM

Tramps DARK LEVEL 18

Sign-Up: 03/25/06

Posts: 7,288

Man's best friend is not the dog.

Meet the wallet-chain.

The Guide to Girls


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PatriotClock

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:36 PM

PatriotClock LIGHT LEVEL 27

Sign-Up: 06/29/04

Posts: 83

the trick to getting is laid is to tie an uncooked steak to your penis girls can smell it but be careful they can smell fear as well

e


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keatnisher

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:39 PM

keatnisher LIGHT LEVEL 12

Sign-Up: 05/16/07

Posts: 462

i like how this is all serious. It's funny.


Goofy

IndyKid500

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:40 PM

IndyKid500 LIGHT LEVEL 10

Sign-Up: 07/11/07

Posts: 1,626

At 7/14/08 03:33 PM, Tramps wrote: Man's best friend is not the dog.

Meet the wallet-chain.

Nice leather vest ya got there.

I AM FUNNY AND ORIGINAL,AND TYPING IT IN ALL CAPS PROVES IT!

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Mastersurgeon

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:41 PM

Mastersurgeon NEUTRAL LEVEL 03

Sign-Up: 10/25/07

Posts: 202

At 7/14/08 03:36 PM, PatriotClock wrote: the trick to getting is laid is to tie an uncooked steak to your penis girls can smell it but be careful they can smell fear as well

Fail.


Elated

DasUberCow

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:41 PM

DasUberCow LIGHT LEVEL 15

Sign-Up: 11/23/07

Posts: 3,430


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physicsman09

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:44 PM

physicsman09 LIGHT LEVEL 04

Sign-Up: 05/28/07

Posts: 236

At 7/14/08 03:12 PM, Tramps wrote:
The exception that proves the rule. Now, back ye beast. You aren't getting my wallet!

Ye beast I lol'd.

The average IQ is 100, the IQ of Homer Simpson is 55.

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goldenmoon

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:46 PM

goldenmoon FAB LEVEL 18

Sign-Up: 06/11/07

Posts: 919

Why are the masses interested in girls but not new info?


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kindmortal

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Posted at: 7/14/08 03:50 PM

kindmortal EVIL LEVEL 07

Sign-Up: 06/18/07

Posts: 1,233

Can't you just shout "Suprise"?

My AC/DC Site I I My Rock Song. I I Porn.

When I think of YOU I touch myself.

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